Dispatches from the New World of Work

Frequent Flyer Alert!!

Do not read "Flying Foul: Passengers Behaving Badly" on page D1 in the May 6 issue of the Wall Street Journal.

(I'll say no more other than what goes around comes around—treat customers like dirt and they will return the favor. Literally.)

[For heaven's sake, don't read this article. Ugh!—CM]

Breaking My Promise

I long ago promised myself I'd stop using airline service horror stories. (A tautology, if ever I've heard one.) I got tired of beating dead horses, and was boring myself to death—and doubtless boring you as well.

Still, a useful reminder is a useful reminder. I flew home last week from Mexico City to Boston, on Delta, via Atlanta. The ATL-BOS leg was delayed about 75 minutes, both in the waiting area and on the plane.

I do not exaggerate: Never once did waiting area personnel or the pilot provide any explanation whatsoever. Not one bloody, frigging word.

No, this is not really news in "airline service sucks land"—though it was a smidgen worse than usual. Nonetheless it was a reminder of the Insanely Important Value 100% of the Time of Keeping People Informed/Over-informed. To reiterate a reiteration of a reiteration: We can almost all deal quite well with shit—we all/almost all deal very poorly with uncertainty. Tell me it'll probably be a 90-minute delay because the pilot is in the bar popping Tequila shots—and I'm fine. (More or less.) Total Silence? I'm on edge, pissed off as hell—irate, in fact.

(NB: Show of electronic hands of those who think Delta-Northwest will in any way, shape, or form positively impact air travelers. TP: Really Big & Crappy + Really Big & Crappy = Shockingly, Gaspworthy Sucko Monumentus.)

Four Hearty Cheers!

Shopping for Easter dinner in a crowded Shaw's [market] in Manchester Center VT at about 1 p.m. Saturday. As I check out, I'm delighted to see a bagger—an effort to relieve congestion. I am even more delighted to see that my bagger is the Store Manager!!

Four hearty cheers! (And, alas, ever so rare.)

Service Sucks!
Not By My Lights (Um, Keyboard)!

Fact is, I made a small fortune in the mid-80s bitching and bitching and then bitching some more about customer service shortcomings. I was commonly referred to, from CA to Timbuktu, as the "king of customer service"—and given too much credit for putting this critical strategic issue on the map.

Therefore I applaud Steve Yastrow's post on Hilton's misbehavior. And applaud even more wholeheartedly the fantastic discussion responding to his Post—you'd do well to read all the Comments. (I did.)

Still ...

I got to thinking about all the sophisticated ideas stirred by the Post. And thinking about all the reporters who almost automatically ask me, "Why does customer service uniformly stink?"

Whoa, chummies!

Fact is, I think customer service is a pure marvel:

**On 21 December 2007 (today), a day before leaving the country, at 4 a.m., from my bed, in West Tinmouth, VT, iced in, wireless working, I readily finish my Christmas shopping. Sure, a lot of stuff can't make it by Christmas—but a lot can, enough to get the job done. (And the rest will arrive by the 27th or 28th, not bad by my shabby standards.)
**Last week at this time I was in Dubai, and woke up to the electronic news that a good friend and mentor had passed away. The memorial service was 72 hours later, in LA. Within the space of 20 minutes I had totally re-organized my 3-continent travel, made hotel reservations in LA, and was set to be where I wanted to be when I wanted to be there. (The email received about the service had of course included a map.) (Also, within a half hour, I'd arranged to meet a couple of good friends, one from England whom I hadn't seen for 10 or so years, at my hotel in LA to drive together to the service.) (Some elements of "customer service" are beyond the Web's power—despite my prayers, God decided to do his "blizzard thing," my travel plans imploded, and I missed the service.)
**Two interesting fellow speakers I met in Dubai and I are already at work on creating a mini-conference next Spring on the Web. (I'm almost certain that Spring will come, in spite of my VT picture above—if I light enough candles this Christmas at San Marco's in Venice.)
**Yesterday morning I read a squib on an unusual, older, out-of-print technical book that sounded cool. I'd ordered it 20 minutes later from some guy who lives in that most common of places these days—God Alone Knows Where. (Oh, and there's a 93% chance he'll come through.) (Another book I came across I decided not to order, thanks to 5 minutes perusing 10 or 15 peer-reviews at Amazon; the formal reviews—Publisher’s Weekly, etc.—weren't worth a shit, as usual.)
**Talking to VT friends last week who recently finished building a small recreational house in Colorado. This summer they furnished the whole thing, good stuff for an insanely low cost, courtesy eBay—and on the trip out from VT had a jolly time collecting their acquisitions at various places where the eBay sellers lived. (Batting average with purveyors: 100%.)
**Guy who drove me from the airport to my hotel a couple of weeks ago had just started a wee business that involved very sexy recording equipment—in a 6-month period he'd acquired, from various addresses on the Web and after incredible Web research, about $75,000 worth of equipment, in mint condition, for a touch less than $10,000.

To be sure, one of my colleagues ordered her daughter a computer for Christmas, a big deal and total surprise. Delivery was absolutely, positively promised by today—when she checked yesterday, dear, dear Dell informed her it wasn't gonna happen. (Too bad she didn't consult with me earlier—I could have told her how much Dell service sucks; it's even worse post-purchase.) Susan's and my Christmas trip to Italy will be courtesy frequent flyer miles, and I don't need to tell you yet another tale of the pain involved in cashing in "customer loyalty" FF miles—on the other hand, it did work out in the end and enormously lessened our guilt about this indulgent trip.

So, yes, service horror stories, real "head shakers," abound. But as for me, circa December 2007, I am in "shock and awe" at what I can get done in the way of services (breadth and depth) that would have been unimaginable a scant decade ago.* (*And I do love it that a new Web service, boardfirst.com, will allow me, for $5, to automatically get "A" group reservations on Southwest for my insanely inexpensive post-New Year's Albany-BWI trip to see my 93-year-old aunt.)

Merry Christmas—my presents to you, dear close colleagues, will be arriving on time!

Madison, GA, or Mayberry?

Established in 1809, Madison, Georgia, is the only city in the state to have been spared from destruction during the Civil War. The city's website boasts that "the historic city and county are often said to be like 'walking into a Norman Rockwell Painting.' Life in Madison and Morgan County moves with a slower, more personal pace. Neighbors and friends still visit with one another under the shade trees that line Main Street. Farmers come to town on Saturdays. People here are genuinely friendly and will stop and open a door for you or speak when you walk by."

I've lived in Atlanta for nearly fifteen years, but just two weeks ago I went to visit the historic city of Madison for the first time. It was like entering a time warp. I was sure I was going to run into Opie Taylor playing pick-up sticks on the sidewalk.

I enjoyed my lunch at the cozy corner coffee shop and my visit to a fabulous custom jewelry boutique, but the place that left the greatest impression was an ice cream shop (friends advised me to protect the name of the establishment for fear that what I'm about to tell you gets out to the general public and creates havoc for the store). While I was impressed with the store (the smell of its oak floors, its vibrant polka-dot painted walls, the rows of candy jars from floor to ceiling), it was the young woman working the counter, Carolyn, who impressed me the most.

"What in the world is she so happy about?" I thought. "And, why is she so happy to see us? Surely she owns the place." As these thoughts ran through my head, my friend and I ordered two ice cream cones. Like any good plastic-dependent American consumer, I presented Carolyn with a card to pay for this transaction. "I'm sorry. We don't take credit cards," she said, "... only cash or checks. You can just send me a check," she said, as she handed my friend her business card. (Yes, we did look at her as if she had two heads). We came up with the cash between the two of us and questioned her business practices… "ARE YOU SERIOUS? PEOPLE REALLY SEND YOU CHECKS?" I asked. "Yeah, they do. And, they always come back to see me," she said with great satisfaction. The next two words out of her mouth shocked us even more. "My boss ..." she began.

I couldn't believe it! She has a boss?! She doesn't own this place? How can this be???!!! How can this $8/hr (give or take) employee love her job so much, take such pride in her work, and be so empowered that she'd allow a customer to walk away with a promise to send payment later? Pinch me ... this can't be real!

I shared this story with some friends who are planning to franchise and expand into new markets, and I'd like to ask you the same question I asked them ... could this service philosophy work in your town? Could they make it a policy to extend this level of trust to all customers? Could this be a signature of their brand or will customers take advantage of their generosity, eventually putting them out of business?

The Basics I:
"Old Fashioned" Service Never Gets Old ... Or Out of Fashion

Susan gave me my 65th birthday present early, while the days in VT still have a hint of warmth and the sun sticks around for a while at least. It is a magnificent (!!!!!!!) Kubota 4-wheeler—aimed at feeding my growing passion for landscaping on the mountainsides here in West Tinmouth.

I showed it off to a good friend, and I mentioned the wonderful support Susan had gotten from the Kubota dealer. He seconded the story, as he does business with the same guy. "I still can't believe it. I bleed green [Deere's color] and I've left them behind. [He has enough Deere equipment to fill a freighter—and has had for years, and then more years.] But the fact is that when I call the Deere dealer with a question, I'm lucky if he bothers to get back to me in the next two days. Finally, after the pattern was clear and then some, I'd had enough. A pack of wild horses couldn't get me to reverse course."

So Deere makes utterly superb equipment and innovates constantly—not an ounce, or gram, of doubt about it. But today, as always, the basic "soft" service from the company or its distributor-dealer/s makes or breaks the relationship, given some decent alternatives, in which category Kubota fits and then some.

No news in this story—except for the always Big News that, whether it's your father's world or Web 2.0 world, it's the basics (e.g., of returning phone calls) that make you or break you.

(NB: People come from hundreds of miles away to purchase from the good-guy dealer in question.)

[Photo credit Susan Sargent, for the great photo of Tom and his Kubota, above]

Customer Service Connect

As I read this article about not siloing the customer service department, but, instead, inviting them to the table, it reminded me of the days when I managed a customer service department. I had thought that by now organizations would understand the importance of the customer service front-line workers. I recall that people on the front line knew the customer, and customer issues and concerns better than anyone else in the org, including the salespeople. There was a big disconnect between the customer service department and other support and production areas. One of the first things that I did, when I was in the situation, was to make the production manager my "new best friend."

Has the customer service department risen in organizations yet? Do you value the customer service department where you are? If not, what must change to be sure that the customer service department is "rockin'"?

Dis-compelling Customer Experiences

After all the customer service training that has proliferated, you would think that service levels would now be off the chart. Sadly, that is not the case. A recent article from Stores magazine relates survey results showing that associate attitudes are poor, salespeople are rude, and product knowledge is in short supply. I loved this particular quote from the article: "An underlying theme of many shopper comments is the disconnect between the image projected by the brand in various forms of advertising and the experience they have when they visit the store."

What is it that retailers and associates aren't getting? It is all about the experience that is created, whether someone is shopping online or in the store. People want to spend their money where associates care and are knowledgeable and where they are greeted with a warm welcome. Retailers are losing ground on the most basic elements of customer experience. In the end, those retailers who reverse this trend will be the most successful.

What have your experiences been like when shopping? On a scale of 1 -10, with 1 being dismal and 10 being "off the charts," where do you stand these days?

"The Ultimate Question"—Answered

Our Amalfi Coast hike was overseen by Country Walkers. I'm busy writing my lengthy assessment. Views great, group great—chief guide awful, substance and style,* and I'm being generous, and hotels average to awful (Capri, view of stone wall—no shit) and food—in Italy!!!!—mediocre.

(*We had to fill in a detailed form ahead of time—food concerns, medicines, etc. Obviously confidential. Or so we thought. When the guide did the first night intros, he made semi-snide remarks about Kosher food, etc, etc. "Appalling" is far too kind a judgment; and then it went downhill.)

But forget my detailed assessment-complaining. Remember my couple of riffs on Fred Reichheld's The Ultimate Question? All you need to know about customer "service" is "Would I recommend?"

Country Walkers: a resounding "No bloody way"—so much so that I'll actively try to discourage others (e.g., with this Post).

JetBlue Doesn't Get It!

At All!

Speaking of customer "service":

It's not about free tickets.
Or multi-hundred dollar "I'm sorry" checks.
(Or multi-thousand dollar checks.)

It's about what it's about!
Totally Insane Incarceration In Supermax Prisons!

Damn it!
Fix it, you idiots!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't want federal mandates.
I want you to pull your heads out of your ...
1, 2, 3 ... all together ... pull!!!!!!!!!!!

(I've written this Post because I've read a hundred "I'm sorrys" and plans for healthy recompense—but no damn ironclad promises about destroying Abu Ghraib of the Air.)

"Unacceptable"

Sure, don't believe everything you read. But if it's true, as I read yesterday, that Jet Blue called an 11 hour wait in a plane on the tarmac at JFK "unacceptable" ... well may the Big Guy damn them to the Eternal Fires of Hell ... at broil. Whoops, forgot to mention the refund or free flight JB is also apparently offering.

11 hours? No kidding, I'd be in federal custody for having attacked JB employees and having tried to chew my way out of the plane. I simply know ... FOR SURE ... that I could not have handled that.

Words matter!

The situation was an outright, stretch-the-mind disgrace-horror, but the use of "unacceptable" is also a total travesty.* Assuming the CEO couldn't have stopped it (he could have), then he should have been on hand at the end to beg forgiveness in person and to have called the situation "an incredible, horrible, disastrous, disgraceful, unconscionable occurrence."

Jet Blue are idiots!
No more Jet Blue for me!
Ever!
Period!

"Unacceptable," my tush.

(*"Free flight" ... how about a top defense lawyer to help me appeal my federal charges for what I did on board—plus weekly cookies in the high-security pen I'll be entombed in?)

What Companies Would You Like to Promote?

Rather than wait until the Chinese New Year to start my new year's resolutions (normally I'll use any excuse to put this off), I'll make one pledge right now: to promote companies that truly "get it" about customer experience! I'm referring, of course, not to what a company does with a customer (a transaction) but what the customer is feeling and thinking as a result of that transaction (an experience). This is where a brand has to walk the talk. As Steve Yastrow says, "Your brand is not what you say you are, but what your customer thinks you are." As James Carville might have said, "It's the EXPERIENCE, stupid!"

When I can go on Amazon.com and order a book, CD, or DVD (usually for under 10 bucks, used, including shipping) in the time it takes to boil water for tea (about 50 seconds), I'm left thinking, “SOMEBODY gets it about convenience!" Then I'm energized to do battle with the next 20 items on my To-Do list. When I call Commerce Bank and an exuberant call rep answers, predictably, within 1 second (no kidding!), my reaction is “How come everybody can't provide this?” My faith in commerce (small c) is restored. Of course it requires TALENT in high measure to pull this off (including usability experts, I presume, in the case of Amazon.com, and highly motivated call center agents in the case of Commerce Bank).

So what companies would you like to promote, which consistently provide you a great customer experience?

Systems plus Passion

An Impossible Dream?

Just how do companies manage to get the economies of scale needed to be competitive today, and yet provide memorable customer experiences in their day-to-day interactions? The ideal scenario is that the systems take complexity out of the way of employees, leaving them free to deliver personal service. And yet the reality is often far from that. It seems to fall to the customer to find their way through systems, often having to work out for themselves how to get the service that they need. ... I well remember the frustration of one former client, who, on introducing a highly efficient CRM telephone system found that although performance efficiency improved, customer satisfaction plummeted. Although customers previously had to wait to get service, when they eventually did get through, they felt well treated. The new system made them feel "processed"!!

Interestingly, I read a report in Saturday's UK Guardian newspaper [01.20.07] that describes what one UK Insurer (More Than) is doing to respond to customers' frustrations around impersonal call centre handling. Their solution is to provide every customer with their own personal customer manager. This manager will be personally accountable for their own customer accounts. It's good to see that they are at least attempting to find a way through this minefield

Is this likely to improve things for the customer, or is the problem they are trying to solve much more deeply rooted? The future shape of organisations is being created by those companies who really are getting to grips with challenges like these. Where are the companies out there who are consistently delivering great experiences, and how are they managing to do it?

Most (and Least) Valuable Players 2006

Over the next couple of weeks I will give my Best-Worst awards for 2006. But I want to get a jump on the process. Gawd do I hate oligopolists-monopolists formed by mergers among barely competent already too big companies.

I am in Frankfurt at 5:30 a.m. on Sunday, December 10, as I write. I will not share the details of the (latest) indignity, but simply give my first "Dirty Dog of the Year" award to the astonishingly incompetent overpriced foul ball non-responsive idiot-jerks at ... Verizon.

I wish them no ill, but I do hope that every Verizon exec's "world phone" fails to work over and over and over at critical junctures in far away nations after painful (very) efforts have been made over and over and over to head off or rectify the problem/s.

What boneheads!

My Bank Pays Me to Wait

My bank has a policy that if you spend more than 5 minutes in a teller line, they give you 5 dollars. Imagine my excitement when, on one of my rare visits to a local branch, I happened to notice the policy (posted on the wall, in fine print) while I was ... well ... waiting in line.

When I finally reached a teller, 7 minutes later, my eager request for the 5 bucks was greeted by confusion then disdain by the teller. (Perhaps no one had ever stooped so low as to actually ask for the five bills before!) I cheerfully told him that now that I knew of the policy—and of the long waits in the bank—I'd be dropping by regularly to pick up my 5 dollars. (He didn't think that was nearly as funny as I did.) Of course I eventually did the complex calculation to determine that taking 20 minutes out of my day to earn a probable 5 dollars might not make great business sense. (But, then again, there is something to be said for doing things just for entertainment value.) It's ironic that the first "positive customer experience" I've had at this bank was at their expense. (I'd switch banks, but the local competition appears to be dreadfully similar.) So ... how's your bank treating you these days? Got any customer experiences to share—horror stories or uplifting testimonials?

I Love You Ann, Redux

I defended repetition of message last week, assuming the issue is important and the implementation is still lacking. Hence my latest paean to the late Ann Richards. Remember: "Pissed off at a glitch? Fine. But be nice. Very nice. Very, very nice. The person on the other side of the counter [etc] is the Only Human Being on Earth, at the moment, who can help solve your problem. Or not."

Barcelona airport. 4:30 a.m. Biiiiiig computer glitch, courtesy United—and the elves are sleepin' in Chicago. Biiiiiig Glitch, "unexcusable" ... and I am weary weary weary. (And I have a veeeery short fuse in general, and particularly when weary at 4:30 A.M. 3,500 miles from home.)

So I did 1 minute of "practiced breathing" ... "did a Maxi-Ann." I had, I reminded myself, but one desire: in a busy airport, I wanted a very "unfair share" of the Lufthansa agent's time. With total concentration that would have made a neurosurgeon proud, I launched a Maxi Charm Offense—accepting my fate and musing on the tech-driven perils of our current age, "especially since your employer is giving you the short end of the stick courtesy understaffing and the like." [The syrup nearly flooded the airport.]

This is not, not, not a "Tom Story." This is, is, is an "Ann Story." Both you and I are, in the end, capable of a WMP* charm offense (*Weapons of Mass Politeness).

The "bottom line" ... I got that blessed Unfair Share of the agent's time, and then some; with tenacity, she did indeed untangle the Gordian Knot; we sympathized with one another on "the sorry state of human affairs"—and, unbidden, I will send a note commending her effort.

I am obviously asking your indulgence for "another Ann story"/ "another airline story." My justification, of course, is that it's in fact a fundamental saga of human nature—and, crudely, the difference between success and failure ... in an airport at 4:30 A.M., or when attempting to ice an order for another Boeing Dreamliner.

NB: Perhaps you'll recall the Henry Clay quote I offered up a few weeks ago: "Courtesies of a small and trivial character are the ones which strike deepest in the grateful and appreciating heart."

Bingo!

Att-i-tude!

Old story. But never an old story. I went to Whole Foods and Starbucks back-to-back yesterday afternoon. No holes: Every (EVERY—perhaps 6?) staff member was pleasant, chatty, informed, etc.

I remain amazed.

Thought of the Day: To Get Service Give Service!

Sounds a bit like the Golden Rule—and I guess it is. This is obvious: If I treat EVERY service provider as my CUSTOMER (even when they are having a bad day) ... then I radically increase the odds of getting good-great service from my "customer." This notion is a first-class "Duh," but it struck me anew yesterday. I went into an electronics shop and badly needed help. The only clerk in the store is in no danger of winning the "employee of the month" award. Yet I showered him with love & affection, as it were, and got an unfair share of his time-attention; in the end he offered pretty damn good advice. (Moreover I didn't let the little prick ruin MY day! And he actually wasn't a L.P., he was mostly left holding the bag by his manager—perhaps a B.P.)

Hence my "golden rule" du jour: My service provider is my customer. To get good service give good service to those who service you.

As I said: Duh!

Boca: Reeling & Reaping

Still reeling from my nasty affair in Boca Raton. But also reaping benefits; here's a slightly extended version of yesterday's PowerPoint on when the problem is not the problem. One additional idea: Oh my, how powerful (and, oddly, rare) a simple "I'm sorry" can be—even if the speaker has little ability to fix the problem; at least he-she is attempting to establish empathetic human contact! In my Affaire Boca the front desk manager kept blaming the problem on me! Even if it had been true, and assuming I hadn't shot another guest, that is a stupid tactic!

To State the Obvious ...

"Stating the obvious" is how I've spent much of the last quarter century ("people are important"). Fact is, there's little more important than stating the obvious—over and over.

So here I go again:

The problem is rarely the problem. The response to the problem is usually the problem. (Think Watergate and Martha Stewart.)

Ta-da: So work proactively and assiduously on that response—remembering, to state the obvious, that ... perception is all there is!

Genesis: an incredibly crappy ("die rather than go back") experience at the Boca Raton Resort & Club—which doubly annoyed me because I had such a lovely time with newfound colleagues at the Direct Selling Association, and wished (literally) to savor the experience, not have it supplanted by an untoward event. The "event"/problem, as implied above, was far from endangering the earth; but the stunningly & repeatedly rude & inept & disingenuous* (*"disingenuous" = lie/s) response to the problem played havoc with my blood pressure as well as my morale and my view of humankind. (NB: Uncharacteristically, I plan to get even. E.g., starting with this Blogpost.)

Notes from the Field ...

Home Depot's board members no-shows for annual meeting—meeting lasts minutes. Wal*Mart's annual meeting includes a live Broadway review—meeting lasts hours.

Asian cars' market share in U.S. exceeds 40% for the first time—fuel-efficient cars lead the way. American response: GM effectively gives fuel away to new Suburban and Hummer buyers.

On Sunday, May 21, 97 new docs graduated from the University of Vermont's College of Medicine—62% were women. On June 2, Tom Mortenson of the Pell Institute for the Study of Opportunity in Higher Education was quoted as saying: "Women have been making educational progress, and the men are stuck. They haven't just fallen behind women. They have fallen behind changes in the job market."

The Ewing Marion Kauffman Foundation's (Kansas City) annual "Index of Entrepreneurial Activity" finds that immigrants are starting new businesses at a rate that's about 25% higher than native-born Americans.

Is Dell Getting Too Big?

A couple of weeks ago I was presenting in New York City, and I realized that I had forgotten the power cord for my Dell laptop. Since I was in the great city of New York, where you can find everything, I wasn't that concerned. After all, I have paid service coverage and Dell is known for service ... or are they?

I called Dell and told them of my dilemma, and their first response was, "We are Dell and our parts are proprietary. The only place you can get them is from us." Just to be sure that I'd heard correctly, I asked, "You mean to tell me that there is no place in all of New York City where I can buy or borrow a power supply?" You know the answer: "No!"

Seems like déjà vu. Wasn't this the old attitude of IBM? Careful, Dell. Don't think too highly of yourself.

P.S. The temporary fix was to purchase a universal power supply, which will run the computer but not charge the battery!

We Try Harder, Too!

Hats off to Hertz. I rented a car from them at John Wayne Airport (Orange County, CA) on Friday. The gent who handed me my key at the remote pick-up point, I discovered in a brief conversation, is 82! I'd wager that the fellow who checked my contract and let me out of the garage was about the same age. Whether or not this has any bearing on the heated immigrant debate is not clear. I simply wish to commend Hertz for creating a fantastic win-win situation. The guys both seemed glad to be out and about and of some use; Hertz doubtless benefits from conscientious and generally cheerful employees who presumably are not taking home a king's ransom.

More: In the "little things" department—there are no little things in Service-Experience World—more Hertz kudos for exceptional driving directions, readily produced, that put Mapquest to shame. (LA and environs are a damn good test.)

As I wrote that last I realized anew how valuable I believe the word-idea of "experience" to be. To me, it's light years beyond "semantic difference." "Experience" conjures up a different plot line entirely from "service." It's helped me in my own work—the seminars—to adopt the word-idea "experience."

Addendum

Starbucks clarification. I made a big deal out of the "Starbucks Smile." Let me add that, to me, these smiles (and sparkling demeanor, even a 6:30 a.m.) are ... The Real Thing. That is, we've all been "subjected to" "training program smiles"—those stretched-lip phantom "smiles"/face-contortions that bear no trace of genuine human emotion. Erik Hansen and I were talking about this. (He's the one who made me a Starbucks Maniac.) We conclude that the not-so-obscure secret is breaking one's back to hire ... folks with naturally sunny dispositions. Any other criteria come in a (very) distant second!

My firm belief: Such people do exist, in fairly sizeable numbers, but you must be determined to make this the Clear & Unmistakable No.1 Criterion! (And, to understate, it doesn't exactly hurt if the person/ doing the hiring is, um ... sunny & sparkling. Message: Sparkle begets sparkle. Sparklers sign up to work with sparklers.)

Redux

So ... HOW DO THEY DO IT?

Walking this morning, finishing up. Stop. 14th Street. Downtown Atlanta. Starbucks. Shaken ice-coffee venti. AND THEY ALL SMILED!*

They do. They r-e-a-l-l-y do all smile. M Street Georgetown/DC yest'dy. 14th St Atlanta today. Charles St Boston tomorrow.

And they all smile.

(*Shame on Microsoft, a Seattle corp. like S'bucks, for having Venti get ... THE DREADED RED UNDERLINE. Surely, by now, it's entered the realm of "common parlance.")

Slogan from the Godless Commies ...

This banner, in Chinese, hangs in each room of the Hua Xin Li Dress Co., Ltd., amidst the Rongcheng Industry Zone, 100 miles from Beijing:

"THE CUSTOMER IS GOD AND THE MARKET DECIDES EVERYTHING"

(I think GM ought to order a few of these—we know the price would be right—for its Detroit HQ.)

Just One Question!

More on the always-fresh topic of customers ...

Fred Reichheld is the God-Guru of Customer Loyalty. He pretty well took the anecdote-laden field and put (VERY) hard numbers to a previously (VERY) soft topic.

Now he gives us another, related home run observation backed by, as usual, a ton of unimpeachable data: There is one question/measure (just one!) in the "happy/pissed off customer" universe that correlates ... perfectly (BIG WORD) ... with subsequent revenue growth. Namely: "How likely are you to recommend [company] to a friend or colleague?"

Reichheld calls this the "net promoter score." For instance, in wretched airline world, you guessed it, the golden oldies cluster tightly at the bottom ... and Southwest is off-the-charts positive.

Nice!
Brilliant!
Wow!

Source: POINT (Advertising Age)/November 2005

Not Too Bad! (Not Too Good.)

Just finished a brief phone ordering frenzy for Christmas. (Far earlier than usual; not sure what got into me.) Here's the scorecord, ranked: #1Tied, Sharper Image. Answer very quickly (1st ring—salesperson answers). Minimum of required information. Everything (4 items) in stock. Duration: less than 3 minutes. #1T, Territory Ahead. Answer very quickly (same as Sharper Image). Info collection dragged out. Everything in stock—7 items. Duration: "about" 7 minutes; email confirmation within 180 seconds (no one else offered an email confirmation). #3T, LL Bean. Answered very quickly. No items (three) in stock. (Typical of Bean in my experience.) #3T, PBS Home Video. On hold for over 3 minutes; quit. (Ah, alas, so predictable, eh?)

Not all bad. On the other hand, given the early date and time of call (noon, Tuesday), not all that great. If you wonder why I didn't do this online, perhaps the repeated experience of getting 90 percent of the job done, then being derailed by a glitch. Frankly, the phone is still easier, at least at this early date.

Greatest sadness: LL Bean, love of my childhood, continues, year-after-year, to come up (very) short.

Thank You, Ann!

American Airlines lost my baggage on Thursday. All ended well ... thanks in large measure to former Texas Governor Ann Richards.

I attended a speech Ms R gave a couple of years ago ... and, yes, it actually changed my life. Here's what she said (among many other things): "When you are facing a horrid service situation, which has you fit to kill, take a deep breath and remember, as, say, you approach an employee from the offending company, 'This woman [man] is the only person on earth who, at this moment, can help me—or not.'"

So, Thursday, AA lost my baggage. I was on a tight schedule, needed my suit pressed ASAP, among [many] other things, and I was ... screwed. Moreover, given the state of airlines, the lost baggage desk was, as usual these days, woefully undermanned. As I waited in line, getting more tense with each passing moment, I listened to one traveler after another light into the AA employee manning the desk. A couple of The Irate were truly over the top. (The way I routinely was for years and years—pre-Ann.) My turn came, I took two meditative breaths in which I expelled all bad vibes (yes, I can do this), thought deeply about Ann's advice, and mounted a charm offensive: Operation You-Alone-Can-Help-Me-and-I-Dearly-Pray-You-Will. We joked a little, commiserated about our different but extreme pickles, and I just kept on smilin'. Several things happened. By behaving in a relaxed, empathetic, life-goes-on fashion, I actually started to feel better myself—hey, this wasn't a trip to market in Baghdad. More important (selfishly), my "you're the only one for me" AA buddy bent over backwards and then some to track the bag, double-confirm its current whereabouts, get unequivocal info on the arriving flight, give me a priority hotel dropoff slot, and so on. And I flatter myself by thinking that she, too, ended up feeling a touch better about life—it really isn't much fun to be ripped, and ripped again, by customers mostly because your employer is in dire straits and understaffed everywhere and has left you on point to take [all] the heat.

That's my "little tale." But of course it's not so little at all. It's near the heart of what happens on those occasions when human beings take the trouble in the face of trouble to deal in a civil and empathetic and even cheerful fashion with their fellows. That's not "news" ... except that of course it is!

Thanks, Ann. I'm almost tempted to say this is the best piece of advice I've ever gotten. (And three cheers for me for eventually following it.)

Breaking My Rule

I'm obviously a lucky guy. My fees allow me often to stay at Four Seasons Hotels. I know I'm unusually lucky, and that the Four Seasons is an uncommon treat—and so I try not to overdo Four Seasons examples.

But I've got to break my rule ...

I have a Presentation in Chicago today, and Susan came with me yesterday so we could go to a birthday dinner. My closest friend's son and I are born on the same day, November 7. (Dead-center Scorpios, by the way.) Frank Jr lives in Chicago and is turning 36; I'm his mirror image, 63 ...

Anyway, Susan was desperate to see last night's West Wing, which of course was pre-empted by the dinner. On a lark, about 15 minutes before we went out, she called the Concierge and asked if by any odd chance they could tape the show for her/us.

"Naturally," they said, "No problem."

Upshot. Great dinner. Returned to the hotel at 10pm. Our VCR was set up with the show tape in it, and a little Post-it note saying, "Happy Birthday, push Start." (There was also a plate of treats next to the note.)

Ye gads ...

We're broke!

Another great United Airlines story ...

A top priority for my parents in their retirement has been to take their grandchildren on vacations. This past Saturday, the plan was for my mom to fly from Phoenix to Denver on United, where she would meet my 13 year-old niece and fly on to New York for some fun and bonding.

When my mother arrived at the airport in Phoenix, United told her that the flight to Denver was cancelled, and she was being rerouted through Washington, D.C., scheduled to arrive at LaGuardia an hour after her grandchild. When Mom asked United to give the lone 13 year-old unaccompanied minor service for no charge—a seemingly reasonable request under the circumstances—guess what the United ticket agent said:

"We can't waive any fees since we're in bankruptcy."

Wow.

How to Make a Jillion Dollars

I can't name names, because one never knows who's reading this Blog. (I'll do so later.) Suffice it to say that Susan and I (mostly Susan) are renovating the kitchen this summer. Our contractor is doing a great—and on time—job. (As usual.) But now it's all coming together; or, rather, it's all falling apart. As the end draws nigh, a puzzle must be perfectly fit together—new stove, new cabinets, painting, stone counter top, floor tiles. Some of it's working—and some's a disaster. It reminds me that often as not it's not the manufacturing-product quality that goes awry, but the more "mundane" process of things arriving on time, schedules dovetailing rather perfectly, etc. As my ire grows at this logistical nightmare of repeatedly broken promises (following my signature on some pretty hefty checks), Susan attempts to assuage me with the words, "What did you expect?" Of course she's right, but, damn it, I always expect (hope for?) more. Small/smallish business people bitch about Wal*Mart, bitch about Home Depot, bitch about the Chinese. But how the hell do you beat the Chinese if you are selling a $9,000 stove but completely screw up the delivery and installation, thereby screwing up a platoon of other people, thereby costing us time (lots of) and money (lots of) occasioned by the delays?

From the ridiculous world of furniture ("Luckily it's a standard piece; we can probably get it to you in 7 weeks."—or some such) to stove installation to pool cleaning (luckily on that score I have a farm pond instead) ... the issue often as not/more often than not is "mere logistics." There's a Jillion $$$$ opportunity here—in damn near any industry you can name. Maybe the motto is, "For excellence, sweat the 'small stuff,' the 'big stuff' will take care of itself." That's my vent-of-the-day. Now back to beach reading.

I Expect ...

I expect promises to be kept.
Not "approximately."
But e-x-a-c-t-l-y.
Is that too much to ask?

(I've traveled about 5,000,000 miles since I started public gabbing. Hurricanes. Tornados. Thunder storms. Blizzards. Political disturbances. Ice storms. Flu. Food poisoning. General angst. Bad attitude. Mechanical screw-ups. Grotesque stupidity. Evil spirits. So what? I'm not allowed to show up for the speech 20 seconds late, let alone 2 days late. "Hey, I know there are 3,600 attending my Saturday keynote, but I won't be able to make it 'til Monday; hope that won't be a problem." Nope. Ain't gonna work.)

Caveat Emptor Comcast

Oops. I didn't think to ask Comcast for an international calling plan. If I had, I would have paid 9 cents a minute for calls to Israel. Since I didn't think to ask for the international plan, I was paying 30 times more than that, close to $3/minute. Since I've been working on finishing up a deal in Jerusalem, I've made lots of phone calls there lately and racked up $357 in calls before I realized what was going on.

Shame on me. Silly me. I didn't fit a task into my busy schedule titled "make sure Comcast doesn't rip you off." If I had, I would have saved 97% on my international calling rates.

What a business model—create a complicated web of tariffs and rules, have "customer care" phone system that requires long wait times and multiple call transfers, and then charge 30 times more to people who don't go out of their way to navigate this Kafka-esque labyrinth. Wow. Maybe we should all try it.

This Is Stupid

Just got a telemarketing call from Comcast. They told me they could lower my Comcast high-speed Internet bill if I subscribed to their basic cable service. I told them that I already subscribed to their basic cable service, and, in fact, I had some premium cable services also. I said that I was excited to hear how much I, already a good customer, could save on my high-speed Internet bill.

Oops. The offer wasn't for good customers like me. It was for non-cusotmers. WELL, THEN WHY DID THEY CALL ME? Oh, by the way—they called me over my Comcast local phone service, after I had just spent half an hour on the same phone paying for a Comcast long distance phone call.

I have been a customer of all of these services ever since they came to Chicago and took over from AT&T. What a bunch of dolts.

The Strange Economics of Travel

Notice lately that you can get dirt cheap US airfares coast-to-coast, like $200, but once you get to the other end, the local cab ride between airport and hotel can run you $100!?!

What's the math about when the 10 mile cab fare is half the cost of a 3,000 mile plane ride?

Southwest

I just received a birthday card from Southwest Airlines, complete with cute 3-D glasses to look at the card. Can you imagine any other airline sending a birthday card to a customer?

Disappearing Service Basics

We've chided Walgreens on this site before for printing on receipts "Hi, I'm (cashier name). I'm here to serve you with the 'Seven Service Basics.'" I asked many Walgreens cashiers—whose names were printed on the receipts—what the Seven Service Basics were, and none ever knew.

Well, Walgreens has finally dropped the promise of Seven Service Basics from their receipts. It now says "I'm here to serve you." I guess they finally decided it was easier to drop the program than to tell their employees about it.

High Speed Web. Low Speed Service.

[This just in from one of our colleagues: Mike Neiss, welcome to blogworld! It seems Mike had to get a bit upset before he had something to say ...]

From Mike:
I started getting odd messages from my clients that their emails were being bounced back. Well aware of my technology expertise level, I figured I must have done something wrong. I reconfigured my account settings in Outlook, sent a trial message, and it appeared I had fixed the problem. Wrong. I finally talked with my web host, ipower web, at 5:30AM. Seems that when I renewed my domain, someone forgot to register it at ipower. Of course they were appropriately "sorry for the inconvenience" and appreciated "my patience." Patience in the web world?? No way! I was out of touch with my clients and friends. They blew it, not me. They had my cash, I had no website.

First tech support person said she would let people know about the problem, "when they came in." Hmm, their site said 24/7 tech support. Went online and waited for someone to respond to my live chat with the tech group message ... 15 minutes. The tech was respectful and understanding. He couldn't get in touch with a transfer tech. I asked for the number of someone worthy of my growing wrath. I called and got an answering machine, was informed someone would respond in 24 hours. I called their main number, hit zero, and asked the operator to please put me in touch with someone who might care. 58 long minutes on hold later, someone finally admitted they blew it. The registration (and my email accounts) would be restored in 24 hours. I was not satisfied. I suggested that I was going to spend the time waiting by logging on to every tech blog I could find to share the story of their poor service. The tech apologized with "I'm sorry, but these things take time." Yeah, my time! I wasn't going to take it out on poor Alan the tech guy, he tried.

But ... I did ask him if he'd heard about the Kryptonite bike lock story and how the blog world had finally brought them to their knees? He acknowledged it. Amazingly, I was back up and running within thirty minutes. I just can't believe that a company whose brand is based on speed moves so-o-o-o-o slow. Aargh!

Caveat Emptor Verizon

I left Verizon Wireless two years ago for the lower prices at Sprint. Sprint was a big service disappointment, so I decided to return to Verizon. I dashed into a Verizon store two weeks ago and figured out what I wanted in about 5 minutes—4 lines, the first two at $99 and the second two at $9.95 each.

Then, I returned a week ago to sign up for new service and buy phones. It was taking a long time and I had to be somewhere, so I had the sales person do all the paperwork, and I returned an hour later to pick up the phones and sign on the dotted line.

OK, this is ultimately my fault: I didn't read the fine print to see what the extra surcharges were. I figured the surcharges were equally egregious as all cell phone companies'.

Then the first bill arrived. Additional surcharges and taxes amounted to 69% of the monthly fees, i.e., a hidden $82 on top of the $120 that they were advertising. Taxes are a small piece of that—most of it is for Verizon.

Yes, when I go back and read the fine print, I see those charges were described. So yes, it is my fault. My fault for trusting my new cell phone provider and assuming that they won't try to reach into my pockets to grab cash when I'm not looking!

My Own Aeron

Okay, so I checked into my room at the Seattle Waterfront Marriott and as I unpacked my laptop and put it on the desk I noticed the Aeron chair. I thought, "Cool, this hotel is really with it." It turns out, though, that Steve Broback, one of the organizers of the Blog Business Summit, had read Tom's rant in Re-imagine! about lousy hotel furniture. In anticipation of Tom's visit to Seattle, he had an Aeron put in Tom's room. And because I was coming here with Tom, I got a chair in my room as well. Tom got snowed in in Vermont, and so he didn't get to sit in his Aeron. But I did. Thanks, Steve.

Service (EXPERIENCE!) Excellence Found!

There is Excellence outside the NFL. And Service Excellence in 2005! Three TP Awards: Susan & I, part-time Bostonians these days, shopped Saturday at Whole Foods Market/Boston. WOW! Food ... AWESOME. Presentation ... AWESOME. Staff Attitude & Knowledge ... AWESOME. "Last Impression" (help with bags in an urban setting) ... AWESOME. Talk about "Experience Marketing" ... "Dream Merchants" ... "Lovemark"! These guys top Starbucks by a mile in my book!

Next up: Apple Store CambridgeSide Galleria. What a show! The "product," of course, is ... AWESOME. The ambience is ... AWESOME. The Staff Attentiveness & EXPERTISE & Teaching Skill are ... AWESOME. And on the Experience Front, Apple runs a blizzard of Cool Activities. (Last Saturday, for instance: 9-10am, "Getting Started Workshop;" 1-130pm, "iLife '04 Presentation;" 3-330pm, "iPod & iTunes Presentation;" 5-530pm, "GarageBand Presentation." On weekday evenings there are often advanced presentations.)

Finally, another nod to my 2004MVP, Commerce Bank; my colleague Ilene Fischer hung out at a Commerce call center last week ... trust me, it ain't your father's call center! Staffers are not measured on length of calls—they're encouraged to spend all the time they need with Clients. There are no voice messages or menus—all Clients are directly handled by Human Beings all-the-time ... and yet the response time is an average of 16 seconds, half that of the industry. All this lavish service, and they manage to grow almost 50 percent a year ... organically! (Oh yes, and their use of "WOW!" makes me look like a little leaguer!)

I'm VERY VERY BIG (as you know) on the DRAMATIC DIFFERENCE between "service" and "experience." These 3 exemplars are Grand Testimony to that ... DRAMATIC DIFFERENCE!!

United Ugh-lines

Off to the airport, have to fly United today. Must admit—I'm dreading it. What stupidness will they show me today?

Lost Bags

I hope none of you were ensnared in the Comair-USAir fiascos! The story reminded me of a brief conversation with a United check-in employee at O'Hare on December 19. My transaction went just fine, but I commented on the generally long lines and obviously small # of UAL employees. Her response, "Yes, United is running an experiment called 'Fly the Airline with no employees.'" Uh huh.

LOVE!

Almost instant MVP material! The positive attitude of all staff at Borders on the Magnificent Mile/Michigan Ave was a huge ... WOW!

UPS or OOPS?

I know this story is going to be a long one, but I have a point to make about customer service. I went to the UPS Store to have them pack and ship some things. I filled out the paper work, discussed the shipping options and resigned myself to paying $40 for 3-day delivery plus $20 to put some stuff in a box, dump in some peanuts and tape it shut. And that's when William, the UPS employee, said, "But this won't go out tonight. We can't possibly get everything here packaged and shipped out tonight." I suggested he could sell me the box and the peanuts and I'd pack it myself, but William said, "Even if you do that, we won't be able to get the order processed in time to send it out tonight." It was 4:00pm, 10 days before Christmas and there were TWO employees on the premises of the UPS Store in downtown Cincinnati. He did not say he was terribly sorry. Nor did he offer any suggestion for getting my business package sent on its way.

I put everything back in my bag and left William and his co-worker dumb-founded by my behavior. At the FedEx office across the street, Elaine helped me select a box, crumpled up sheets of paper to fill in the gaps, whipped out her giant tape dispenser, and asked me how fast I needed it to be delivered. $38 got me a two-day delivery guarantee. The box and packing assistance were free.

Need I say where I'll go next time? The OOPS Store has lost a customer. Not because they couldn't do what I wanted them to, or because I considered their prices high. They lost a customer because (1) they didn't have enough staff on duty and (2) they didn't teach their employees to "feel my pain." In a service business, you must help the customer accomplish her mission, even if that means suggesting that your competition might provide better service on this particular occasion. "Take it or leave it" is not an attitude that will bring customers back to your business.

United Airlines Thinks I'm Stupid (Guess what I think)

I leave a meeting in Lynchburg, Virginia, yesterday, with just enough time to drive to the Roanoke airport for my non-stop flight home to Chicago. Checking voicemail, I hear an automated message from the "United Airlines Easy Re-Booking System."

The message is from a very upbeat, happy, pre-recorded voice telling me I have been "successfully re-booked" on a cumbersome connection through Washington, D.C., that will get me home 4 hours late.

Of course there are no details on why I'm being re-booked, or any apology. I call United and wait on hold to find out that my flight has been cancelled.

Great idea: Call it the Easy Re-booking System and use an upbeat voice. That'll fake out those dumb customers. (Remember the scene in the book 1984 when the government lowered the chocolate ration? They announced the new, lower number with great fanfare, congratulating themselves for raising the chocolate ration.)

I am ... NOT ... a Clothes Horse ...

It's just that I lost a ton (almost literally) of weight ... and my clothes don't look "loose," they look silly. So, following Adventure Milano, I detoured on the way to LA. And came to SF for the primary purpose of buying new suits at Nordstrom on Market Street. What a (continuing) tribute to Insanely Great Customer Service ... eh? Going to a city not on one's brutal itinerary to stop-'n-shop.

Bottom Line: The service was, well... Nordstrom. Period. I.e.: Insanely Great. Still.

(Speaking of "service" ... all the major airlines are up against the wall, cutting staff, allowing service to do a dead drop. On this trip, alas, I found British Air and Lufthansa to be as uninspiring-inattentive-screwed up as, say ... pick your worst.)

Thank You, Grand Hotel!

The Grand Hotel in Stockholm is, well, grand! It also satisfies seven of my eight "gotta haves" (in order): (1) insanely clean; (2) DSL/high speed access w/o interruption;
(3) 1-hour suit pressing, 24-hours-per-day; (4) windows that open WIDE; (5) no-smoking rooms; (6) 24-hour room service; (7) heart-of-the-city (in this case, minutes from the World's Best Department Store—NK); It misses on #8, Very Hard Mattress. (My Swedish friends inform me that Swedes like soft mattresses—no problem, I just moved the soft mattress to the floor and converted it into a futon.)

Just to spark a discussion, I, "Customer Service Fanatic," must add that I don't much care about staff attitude—if all my Big Eight are on line.

Cell Phone Companies Become Airlines

Does dealing with your cellphone company remind you more of staying in a fine hotel or doing business with an airline?

Here's an article from The Brand Cafe archives that talks about the way cellphone providers have missed the chance to get customers to love them.