Comments

Tom, I've fought the black dog since teen years - I'm 54. A destructive, debiliting, lonely, life wrecking monster. But,,,, I've learned to manage and overcome it as well as be drug free after nine years of that rollercoaster. For some, with a burning desire to tame the vicious beast, it can be done. I'll help you if you wish- free of course.

Posted by Brad Denham at August 23, 2005 6:20 PM

My dad was an avid jogger (and tennis player). He used to log his accumulated weekly or monthly miles (depending on the scale) on a map of the United States. It was interesting to see the line slowly making its way across the States! The way you're going, you might need a globe rather than a single continent! Glad to know that it's working for you. I do hill walking here in Ireland and can concur that it certainly refreshes the spirit! The other day, while walking up Knocknarae (Queen Maeve's Tomb) in Co. Sligo, the following verse spilled out of my brain (keep in mind, there are burial mounds here in Ireland over 6,000 BC)

Whose feet have tread this path I'm on
Whose eyes have seen these sights I see
Where have all their spirits gone?
What will become of me?

.

Posted by Tom O'Leary at August 23, 2005 6:39 PM

I have the Black Dog PLUS mania, for a combined total of manic depression, aka bipolar disorder.

Exercise is absolutely mandatory, along with medication for treating manic depression. Hard, bone-crunching, no-bullshit exercise that releases massive quantities of endorphins.

Keep on chugging.

Posted by Erick B at August 23, 2005 10:58 PM

Thank you for the direction. Very nicely said.

Be well, and go get 'em Tom!

Posted by Rick Terrien at August 23, 2005 11:17 PM

Well done to those who have spoken out and said that they are challenged by this too. I also struggle with this sometimes.

Society (and especially the work place) is not an especially supportive environment for people who live with this stuff. On the other hand when I am "up" I am unstopable!

Posted by PaulH at August 24, 2005 2:10 AM

Tom,

It is interesting to reflect on the 'great men' in history (no doubt great women too, but we know less of them, alas) who have lived with the
'black dog.' Winston Churchill of course, and here in Australia, our own wartime leader, Curtin. Interesting and complex blokes all.

I was so interested to hear that this is part of your story as well. I had come to believe that your energetic presence sprung from boundless optimism, and felt myself lacking. Maybe this is still true, but I am comforted nonetheless that we can be a positive presence in the world, but harbour our own demons.

Posted by Kate Joyner at August 24, 2005 3:01 AM

Am also taking the exercise route to dealing with the Black Dog.

I've had problems recently that have been tackled purely by exercise plus various attempts at meditation. Meds on my part are out of the question as I'm already taking five a day after having a stroke at the end of 2004.

I was warned that depression would be one of the side effects of having a stroke and I wasn't aware that it had hit me.

I thought that the combination of tiredness, lack of concentration and lack of inspiration was down to the meds cocktail that I'm on, but after tackling the subject with my GP, it became apparent that depression rather than the meds was the problem.

It's taken a couple of months to pull out of the moods I was in, but things have got better over the last few weeks. I'm upping the ante in a couple of weeks time by heading off for a walking holiday where action rather than inaction will be the key. I did have a moment of madness a few weeks ago when I did some climbing for the first time in months (albeit on a low-level outcrop), so I'm not ruling that out either...

I may not be able to totally switch off at the moment, but I'm giving it a damn good try. It's raining here today and it's my day off so I'm watching a movie soon and then maybe heading off with my girlfriend (she's a walker and an artist) to a local gallery soon to take another look at the latest Hockney exhibition. It's in an old mill, so I can get plenty of walking in over the three floors without getting wet!

One thing I did do regarding Black Dog was to let my area manager know and a trusted member of staff. The member of staff keeps a quiet eye on me and lets me know when I'm doing too much. And the area manager? Due to visit the store this week, but I must be doing something right because the store has been in the top three on his area three weeks out of the last six...

Cheers from a very wet corner of England...

Keith

Posted by Keith Rickaby at August 24, 2005 5:18 AM

it definitely is for posts like this - well, actually for a site like this one here - that i truely think: what a great time we are living in.

well, i did not come here because this site is known for its discussions on depression - and i do not think "depression" is the first thing that comes to the mind of people when they think of me. actually i do know that it is very much the last thing most people would associate with me.

still, i am not only a vivid fighter for a new management organisation - from my point of view: one that can actually handle aesthetical issues and can act open-eyed on the levels of brand, design and innovation...

i also have a black dog as my long time companion. and as it is with those "canine friends", we have to make the decission: do we train them or will they train us?

it is a decission we have to make almost daily. for me, as a wandering spirit, that is not always easy. i like to have my thoughts here and there. i love to be consumed with my work and with inspirations. but if i do not exercise... watch out! the monster finds its own ways again. he has got quite an independent spirit too.

btw. a book on dog-training that for me personally was quite insightfull is this one http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0684801280/qid=1124878533/sr=8-1/ref=pd_bbs_1/102-8001877-6924154?v=glance&s=books&n=507846

Posted by jens at August 24, 2005 6:01 AM

and: before i forget...
if there should be no time:) for exercise, a real good spicy indian curry helps too

Posted by jens at August 24, 2005 6:20 AM

Hi Tom,

I would also invite you to study Julia Cameron's book The Sound of Paper. She writes about creativity from the view of a writer/composer with brief pithy essays interspersed with simple but ultimatly profound exercises.

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/1585423548/qid=1124887870/sr=8-1/ref=pd_bbs_1/102-9813090-6675337?v=glance&s=books&n=507846

She has helped me get grounded like no one else I have read or spoken with. More importantly, I have come to realize that the sorts of business transition you advocate. The re-writing of the language and metaphor and purpose of business has direct correlation with major transitions in the art world. For instance the transformation of the symphony from the world of buttoned down (though cheeky) Hyden to the bubbling tumult of Beethoven. Those changes take guts, vision and determination and a "bias for action!". Just as you conjure up on stage for each and every presentation.

Give Cameron a look. She's tamed the Black Dog in amazing ways and for those times when power walking does not fit for time or when injury might keep you off the road for a few days, her approaches might just keep you on the path to breakthrough and transformation instead of wrestling with the wily canine.

May you find helpful and complete answers for your Mom.

Have a fantastic day,

BT

P.S. I was thinking about your new "M" degrees this morning. I would like to sign up as your first MMM candidate. That "course of study" would suit me very well.

Posted by BT Hathaway at August 24, 2005 7:54 AM

Tom, good for you. Keep the miles up. It is tough on the road. But it makes a difference.

Thanks for your transperency.

Joe

Posted by Joe Ely at August 24, 2005 8:12 AM

Thanks for sharing Dr. T. Here is a bit of my moderation flow:

1. get sunlight - a bright environ aids in seratonin leveling - walk especially after the evening meal for 10 minutes or so
2. I run just 2-3 miles per day, but every day for 25 years
3. lift weights hard and fast for 25 minutes just 2 times per week
4. lately I'm tuned to organic foods and cleansing diets - apparently additives and artificial sweeteners like Nutrasweet and Splenda can reek havoc with seratonin and brain cells - makes sense the body needs deep cleaning
5. I crave my gravity inversion table - perfect for stretching and doing brief core strength exercises
6. Peter D'Adamo, natureopath promotes Type O blood types doing aggressive exercise like running - speed walking

Posted by Sean at August 24, 2005 8:53 AM

Tom, how inspiring to hear(see) you talking openly about depression and your personal struggle. As someone who works in social service, I have seen firsthand what a profound (and widespread) effect it can have on the lives of people. I also know that it is infrequently brought into the open. Thank you for your openness, your inspiration, and your creativity, and mostly for your human-ness - I think that is what draws people to you most. Your struggle to find the answers to the questions that trouble you on a daily basis raise my own consciousness about that which bothers me in the world. I hope to be as inquisitive a mind as you demonstrate to us all. Thank you for sharing and my prayers go out to your mother (and your entire family) - 95.8 is an amazing gift to all.

Brian

Posted by Brian at August 24, 2005 9:00 AM

Trevor, I am with you, take into account what an inspiring woman, courageous leader, wonderful model and brilliant person she is being she the mother of Mr. T. Peters. I am more than thankful to this Lady for her contribution in the improvement to the companies' Mr.Peters touches, that being big fishes many times,is fortunately for everyone of us, a big contribution. And with regard to my life I am trully thankful to her because thanks to her son's talents, abilities and big heart, I am also a better human being everyday.

The other day a friend of mine send me a message because she thought she had a worrying mind, knowing her from quite a while I just could respond: "It's alright dear, you have a wonderful heart; it will take good care of you mind" :-)
And she does.

Posted by Omara at August 24, 2005 11:36 AM

Kinda makes you wonder how we ever survived without pills for the Black Dog, Ritalin for ADD, and Viagara for, um, a little less manhood. And those are only the three I thought of off the top of my head. We're medicating ourselves up so much that Aldous Huxley V could write a follow-up to "Brave New World" based on current society.

How did our ancestors live without that medication? Probably the way you're doing it, Tom. Yeah, a little manual labor and exercise never hurt anyone.

Posted by Ron at August 24, 2005 12:25 PM

Like you Ron, I have often thought about how people from years ago handled such problems wtihout medications. Talking to my older relatives was quite revealing because apparently, they did not fare all that well sometimes. There was depression and suicides like there is today, but people were often labelled as being "crazy" for being depressed.

The ADD or hyperactive people were probably controlled by being placed into active roles like farming, locomotive work, etc. etc.

Fact is, we don't move enough...high rates of obesity is proof of that.

Posted by Brad Isaac at August 24, 2005 5:09 PM

nice comment, ron.

sometimes it really makes you think, that we have maybe not left the fields of hard labour (and the hunting grounds of running after our dinner for hours and hours) for a time long enough... maybe we are still programmed for something else but nailing our butts to the office chair, conference chair, dining table or car seat. and if doing so, our brain chemistry tells us that something is awfully wrong...

fun thing. possibly churchill would not have had to go to sleep with his dog if he would have had been more into exercise...
would he then have been the same kind of achiever that he was?... nobody knows...

Posted by jens at August 24, 2005 5:13 PM

Next time you come to Bogota, Colombia you are warmly invited to join walking in the surrounding mountains at 8,500+ feet! Keep walking, be healthy! And keep sharing your experiences.

Posted by Chris Schreuders at August 24, 2005 6:40 PM

Has it occurred to anyone that the power held by the Black Dog might be the potential you are looking to unleash? Why tame it, subjugate it, repress it?

Unless you think you might murder someone - but hey most of us have that kind of behaviour management in place, don't we?

Posted by Jana Fielding at August 25, 2005 3:53 AM

Whether or not we suffer the 'black dog' walking beside us occasionally - I do by the way - the type of thing Tom is doing is advisable anyway for good physical and mental well-being.

Why the hell is it still seen as such a big admission to say one suffers from depression? Personally I do not care who knows that I have occasionally felt life is a bit difficult. At such times we need understanding and support - I get loads - and of course we must develop self coping mechnisms.

Sadly the stigma is still there - 'men are not supposed to cry' and all that crap.

Tom is so refreshingly open about this illness - maybe his opneness will inspire others. I truly hope so.

Keep walkin', talkin' and takin them pills Tom :-)

Posted by Trevor Gay at August 25, 2005 8:14 AM

Sorry to rain on the parade, Tom. But this is contrary to all the "good for you!" and "me too!" comments. Exericise is wonderful...if it's for your health (mental and physical)! But addictive punishing exercise is but a temporary escape, a distraction from...well I can't tell you for sure of course. But depression, a driven personality, a rush to addictive behavior...Yes, a legendary well-loved well-paid thinker CAN have a low self-image. You'll never get enough exercise as long as "this" is there. And what the heck happens if you blow out a knee? I say, step off the carousel while it's still moving slowly enough.

I mean...start drinking your own Kool-aid when it comes to your PSYCHE.

RA, MD PhD.

Posted by R. A, MD at August 25, 2005 11:32 AM

I've met people born with a 'black dog' and found that it was often an acceptable term used to describe a demon they carried within them. They gave free rein to it. To put it mildly, they were not nice people. I'm sure there are degrees of demons; some being worse than others, but it can't be easy dealing with something like that. No expert here, but it seems sensible to never let it take control. Use it when necessary, maybe to protect you for example, but not to indulge. In this world, it's your humanity that matters more.

Tom, perhaps it's not such a bad idea to go easy on the exercise so that when it does come forward, you have some energy left to do battle with it though I understand you know what you're doing and don't mean to give advice on a subject I know very little about. It's very possible I'm mixing up the black dog with something else I've seen.

Posted by Noel Guinane at August 25, 2005 3:11 PM

I'm really, really lucky: I don't have that Black Dog, despite some family history. But I do have a collie called Paddy and taking him for a walk twice per day (minimum, albeit when not away on business) is superb preparation / therapy for a hectic, pressured day. I find myself talking to him, which might explain why some of my neighbours think I'm a bit odd, but the funny thing is that when Paddy and I are walking the fields and we have our little chats, he comes up with some great ideas.

Maybe this is just my coping mechanism but I can't recommend it too strongly. Go to your local animal rescue and get a pet. They're a responsibility but they give back more than you could ever repay.

Gotta go - Paddy wants a walkies!

Posted by Mark JF at August 25, 2005 5:28 PM

Are we to see you on the news walking round the world with a beard and people tagging along for the ride - like Forrest Gump Tom! generic viagra 25 mg

Posted by Caig Jones at August 26, 2005 5:45 AM

OK, all of us fight depression, some more, some less. I went through a divorce in the past year and had some real battles. My counselor suggested I write down my feelings. When I did they came out as poems. It really helped (I imagine blogging is one way you get real with yourself?). Since they are my emotions, I usually keep them to myself, but I'll take a risk today and share one of my poems.

Sunset

Slowly sinking in the west
Time to relax, time to rest
Glimmering on the water
Unbelievable color

And for a second the sun shines
Directly on your soul and reflects in your heart
On what is really important
And it feels like the sun will stay there forever
Then suddenly, quickly it begins to move
And the sunsets!
Peace is in the air and Peace is in your heart

The sky turns pink
It has made you think
Once again you realize
Thanks to the beauty of the skies
Of the things in life that make you fret
Aren’t that important while you watch the sunset.

Posted by Dave Holland at August 26, 2005 8:22 AM

The Black Dog is a debilitator and a killer. Having dealt with it personally for most of my adult life, I too have found that exercise is a key to dealing with it. My own tact has been mountain climbing when possible, scripture, shotokan karate forms and meditation when there's not a handy mountain out the door.
But more than dealing with it, I found that I could get rid of it. For myself, it was a combination of diet and thought life. Like Sean, organic foods help (with tons of cleansing water.) For the thought life, I noticed during meditation the types of thoughts and self-comments I was creating were very negative. Somewhere along the way I picked up a tendency to think "against" myself. I changed the questions I asked, and the personal thoughts I had about myself. It's a continual process to keep the negative out, but it works hand-in-glove with the exercise and diet for me. It's my personal team for improved health.

Posted by Dave at August 26, 2005 8:39 AM

Very brave of you to go public, Tom.

Like many here I have suffered from severe depression. At a time I almost went on meds, but decided to see if my long-standing belief that the universe is perfect (despite my evidence to the contrary) was in fact true.

Things that really helped me: Blood Type Diet (Eat Right 4 Your Type), exercise (regular but loving), developing my relationship with god, meditation/relaxation/looking inward, The Feeling Good Handbook (book), The Artist's Way (book), The Diet Cure (book about amino acids), and of course, chucking it all (my successful graphic design business, etc, etc) to live my dreams. A lot more esoteric stuff too if you're interested (WhiteG.com).

Ten years later I've written a book, am working on getting it made into a movie, and am recording my first album. I'm broke as a joke (and living at my mother's house--god bless her), but the way the world took care of me was stunning. And I'm so much happier then when I was getting flown to meet with clients and taken snowboarding on expense accounts and being cool. I don't even remember what being depressed feels like. I'm not bouncing or anything, but I don't spiral down, I don't see the cloud looming, I don't get scared and I don't avoid people or situations.

After I got my diet straight and my aminos replenished (which is a must for anyone suffering from this stuff), it was just how I was living, what I wanted, and what I thought about the world. It turns out I had a lot of limiting beliefs that kept me down under the pretense of keeping me safe. The world is as our heart desires--and it's up to each one of us to figure out why and how. That's why we're here. (Carolyn Myss is great about this). Imagine your best businesses in two hundred years (or fifty). They'll be based arond people's strengths, unafraid of failure, and thick with creativity. The only real game in town will be (as it has been), growing as people. An essentially spiritual concern. Business has come right up to the edge of the unknown (with you often leading the way) and is sitting there a bit frozen. It's like the Saachi and Saachi guy writing a marketing book about love. With a section about mystery. Mystery can only be. Once you name it, it's not mystery. Mystery is mysteriously silent. Inexplicable. Despite our desire to know and own it. To utilize it's power we've got to dance. (Another great book: Murakami's Dance, Dance, Dance).

Interestingly, I found that most of the techniques I learned to keep my depression at bay needed to be chucked (or revised) themselves once they got to be dogma. I still eat healthy, get plenty of sleep, no sugar, no caffeine, no alcohol. integrate wierd energy as it comes, etc., but I find the most liberating things are jumping into the vast unknown of creativity and experience. I no longer see a therapist, don't write out exercises, don't take medication (or self-medicate). By the grace of god, I don't even think about depression.

I hate people giving advice, but if I may say so, you seem to be about as creative as one could possibly be without wearing a beret. Have you ever thought about indulging your inner freak? Showing up for a presentation without any notes or slides (imagine Buddha's Flower Sermon)? Shooting from the hip and relying on the holy ghost? Painting a picture or learning guitar?

One thing I found essential for my happiness was to be the difference I saw. The "what" of your incredible knowledge is obviously creativity, but often seems delivered with the "how" of business (meticulous planning, copious notes, emphasis on positive customer service experience instead of emphasizing being real). Part of you may be hoping to explode (gently) into full-time, real-time love. Lord knows you know the subject backwards and forward.

I've learned a lot from you (and was overjoyed when I found one of the business guys got what the hell was going on). If you'd like to contact me, I'd like to give you a copy of my book The Love Artist. It takes on all these mo-fos straight on. Alternately, I've written just about as much as I can non-fictionally over at my blog WhiteG.com.

Love is all there is.

Posted by Eben Carlson at August 31, 2005 7:07 PM