Comments

After spending my entire life in NY/NJ, I moved to Chapel Hill, NC in 1990 to attend graduate school. I was shocked at the politeness of people in the bank, grocery store, etc. After 6 years, I moved back to NY, where I was shocked again, but for the opposite reason! No smiles! No courtesy! Alas...

Posted by Carlos N Velez at October 14, 2005 8:44 AM

If the 23 people knew that Tom Peters was the person saying "good morning," they would have stopped you, slammed their business card in your face and claimed they were networking. You never know who you are talking with, so why not be nice all the time. Sam Walton drove a pick-up truck and wore blue jeans with holes in the knees.

Posted by Nik at October 14, 2005 8:52 AM

In my native Philadephia, I would be scared to even try this experiment!

Posted by Scott Segal at October 14, 2005 9:02 AM

Good Morning, Tom. I hope you have a good day.

Posted by J. H. Shewmaker at October 14, 2005 9:08 AM

Annie and I run 5 or 6 km three times a week and it is amazing how - if we smile and speak first people generally respond in the same way. If we do not bother it feels like other people don't bother either. Simple really I guess. The lesson - always take the initiative - a smile and a word is usually returned with interest and if it is ignored at least you retain your own good feeling for having tried. And we all feel better having smiled don't we?. GOOD MORNING TO YOU TOM :)

Posted by Trevor Gay at October 14, 2005 9:11 AM

The blue vote metro areas are uptight - quite normal given their energy flow is more day to day maintenance in adverse environs - whereas in smaller towns we seem to tend to flourish and make fun things happen - including being polite and enjoying conversation.

Love George[Washington]Town though for what it is and has always been - a fabulous eastern 'burb of 1st class drama and world-class experiences ... [not to mention fine dining extraordinaire] ...

Posted by Sean at October 14, 2005 9:20 AM

Good mornin' Tom!

We had some New Yorkers come through our rural town of Kellyville, OK and buy some groceries from my grandparents' grocery store. I carried their purchases out for them. Chatted them up a little and wished them a good day. They stopped me and asked, "Is EVERYONE here this friendly?" I just stood there for a moment, not thinking anything I did was above ordinary, then finally said "Yes."

This was the same town that EVERYONE waves to EVERYONE as they pass each other in traffic. In Kellyville that was just being part of a community, not just part of a town.

Posted by DUST!N at October 14, 2005 9:48 AM

My grandfather always told me it does not cost anything to say hello.....so do it....

Posted by Michael Lombardi at October 14, 2005 10:13 AM

Tom, I appreciate the context from which you make your comment about "self-important" 20-somethings. There are certainly a healthy number I run into all the time here in uber-competitive NYC. And, as you pointed out, the self-importance certainly isn't limited to my age bracket (I'm 29 and squarely in the "What do I want to do with my life?" space, feeling a bit adrift rather than self-important.)

I find your choice of words ("self-important") interesting, given that the thrust of many of your rants (and books) are in support of preaching the value of 'Brand You.' For better or for worse, the corporate world fosters this impulse to assert our own value, to promote how important we are, to share our WOW! projects. I consider this "self importance" a part of getting ahead in corporate politics (which we are supposed to love, right?)

I assert that you are picking up on the energy of a stressed out population that feels it must always have it's game face on. That's the single-most exhausting part of NYC and I'm sure DC has it's share. Surrounded by hundreds (if not thousands) of people every day, it's impossible to acknowledge every one. Still, it's sad that the game face doesn't include a little more regard for our fellow humans.

I'm sure that 'self-importance' isn't the biggest driver of the aloofness. I know that in my own drifting lately, it's exactly the opposite.

Posted by DM at October 14, 2005 10:57 AM

Good morning. I love Charleston. I used to be one of those twenty somethings working on Capitol Hill, but I was taught to smile and say hello before I got there and just kept it while I was there. I actually enjoy doing both to the unhappy, self important folks who don't. I figure they really need it.

Posted by Mike Chapman at October 14, 2005 11:05 AM

DM and Mike, be back to you later. Rushing now. Want to respond.

DM, shorthand. I believe in Brand You, and a sense of one's self in the universe. But I'm also a major proponent of "don't take yourself (too) seriously." Those who preach "If you don't tske yourself seriously, then others won't" are utter asses. (In my opiniopn.)Of course I take my "mission" (and I have one--see last week's post on the topic) very, very seriously (it's my life!), but taking my mission seriously and taking myself seriously are entirely different things.

A guy who wrote about public speaking talks about being at a conference where a potential attendee says, "I'm thinking about attending your speech, but I really want to play golf. What should I do?" Our coach says we should tell him in 30 seconds or less that our speech will change his life. Well, I've had that happen to me, and I always say "Play golf, the weather's good, it's February, and your badge says you're from Minnesota." First, if he's conflicted about me vs golf, he's hardly a top candidate for transformation. Second, in a Machiavallian sense, I bet my line is a more effective hook than thee self-important line. Personally, I'd run like hell from anyone who threatens to change my life in an hour-long talk. The term that comes to mind is "egocentric bullshit artist."

My Mom, a near Southerner (Annapolis), taught me to be outgoing to strangers, Mike. I love it. Feels good. Feels human. Zero "cost."

Sean, I LOVE Georgetown.

Posted by tom peters at October 14, 2005 12:03 PM

My take (not that anyone's asking for it) is that the more you figure out Brand You, the more you realize you can offer to others. The point isn't to discover what you can be for yourself (self-important: important to yourself). It's to discover WHO you are and how you contribute to the community (important to others).

A cog's pretty useless by itself.

Don't be a lonely cog.

Posted by DUST!N at October 14, 2005 1:58 PM

Funny. 15 years ago, after my Jr year of college, I made my first and so far only visit to DC. I was impressed by how friendly and helpful people were in the city and surrounding areas. Of course, I was coming from college in Portland, and now live in Seattle, where I think your experiment might get you taken in for evaluation.

Posted by eas at October 14, 2005 3:26 PM

eas, okay as long as it's just "evaluation"--no overnights, please!

Posted by tom peters at October 14, 2005 9:35 PM

Ive always appreciated the friendliness and politeness that still pervade daily life in most parts of the South (certainly in my homestate of Georgia)... somehow a few smiles, a few nods, a few hellos, and a few "have a nice days" add up to quite a difference.

Posted by AJ Hoge at October 15, 2005 2:25 AM

The 1st time I worked in a major metro area [Portland, OR downtown 1990] I noticed and respected that people had only so much energy to make it through the day and even looking someone in the eyes may seem draining - so it is avoided.

Yesterday [in Smallville] was amused that the Safeway checker engaged every customer to the max, then the lady in front of me starting sneezing - GET me out of there fast - avian alert - may have to shop online only and/or use just the Fred Meyer self checkout!

Posted by Sean at October 15, 2005 8:51 AM

Please, continue greeting the day Mr. Peters and everyone who is already doing it! It's a healthy and free practice, not as easy to perform as many may think so to me it is quite valuable.
I also tend to greet others when I have the chance, results are pathetic most of the time but that's not my problem really. I realise how much there is still to be improved and that I must be lucky because I am still this well.

PS.: I find true gems everyday too :-)

Posted by Omara at October 15, 2005 6:49 PM

As a "new Charlestonian", the "proper" greeting would be "hey!". "Good morning" is so Yankee :-)

As a transplanted "damn Yankee" from New York to Charleston 11 years ago, I quickly learned that this is a friendly town on the surface. You come back anytime. Come as my guest to the Rotary Club of Charleston meeting (Tuesday for lunch at the Citadel's alumni hall). The guy running the city's effort to promote tech industries is a very interesting guy who has accomplished a lot with very little - you'd enjoy each other. Catch our minor league baseball team (the GM is the son of Bill Veeck "as in wreck"). And then some time for shrimp and grits.

Let us know - anytime!

Peter

Posted by Peter Lucash at October 16, 2005 11:19 PM

Tom - Just caught up with this post - yep - my wife and I were in Russia last year and we're very "smiley people".

We asked one of our guides why noone in Moscow smiled - thinking it would be because of the cold weather - but apparantly it's a sign that you're simple...

Oh dear!

Posted by davidcoe... at October 17, 2005 3:48 AM

What about "Gen-Xers who could see through a self-important Boomer out to experiment with being friendly so he could write about it in his blog and secure his position as world's perfect consultant--able to give advice to world leaders one week and people going about their business the next."

I'd stick to business consulting, Tom. At least there people ask for you to judge them. For a guy who talks about love and wow, I sure don't feel much walking about it in this post.

Posted by Eben at October 18, 2005 1:19 PM

Eben, I grew up in DC, worked in DC, worked in the Pentagon, worked in the State Department, worked in the White House. Was a Gen Xer of the times. I was also a litle self-important prick surrounded by self-important little pricks. Alas, in my dotage I can label Washington as no more than a necessary evil. I love the area, hate inside-the-Beltway isolation and arrogance. (And I love my Blogsite because it means in weak moments I can spew my bile far and wide.)

Posted by tom peters at October 25, 2005 8:27 AM