Comments

I had a similar conversation recently. Criticism is one of the gateways to learning. Sometimes it points to our weakness, sometimes to our strength, and always to how others see us. As you say, the real skill is learning how to understand the message.

Posted by Michael Vanderdonk at March 5, 2006 6:27 AM

Steve,

Correct observations. Your post is very interesting. Like everything else in life criticism is neither good nor bad in and by itself. It is a bit like quality: quality is not a characteristic of an object (for instance my current project), no more than it is a characteristic of the subject (for instance me or my customer in my current project). Quality emerges dynamically from the encounter between a subject and an object: it is more an attribute of the way I welcome and deal with what I do and what happens in the project. It is even an attribute of how I choose to conceive my project. That's how a project can be either "a miserable-shitty-little-project some bad guy loaded me with in his infinite disdain for people like me" or "the top intergalactic opportunity to make a bloody significant difference by delivering top notch results in a field generally seen as insignificant".

In the latter case it becomes a WOW project I guess :) In a near-chaotic world the butterfly effect applies and insignificant stuff can produce huge effects.

Same holds true about criticism and one may choose (as I do):
1. to consider criticism as the manifestation of critical thinking in the classical (Ancient Greek) meaning of the expression, i.e. a deliberate analytical effort aimed at improving the object of focus
2. ton believe that there is no criticism, only feedback which should help me direct my future actions to come closer to my ideal result (my personal WOW outcome)

Thanks for the opportunity you gave me with your post to think a bit about criticism (and that's positive criticism / feedback for you!). I strongly identify to my work sometimes and therefore I remember times when criticism had tremendous impact on me. I chose to evolve. But not too much, since I do not wish to become as even-tempered as a buddhist monk :) That would not be good for my business in today's world...

Posted by alex at March 5, 2006 7:52 AM

Very useful indeed. How we take implies a lot: what emotions are involved?
why is our ego so eager to react?
what kind of 'setting' would open our mind more for critism?

Posted by W3 at March 5, 2006 8:11 AM

Criticism is like MSM - almost no one with an IQ over 80 trusts media and/or random criticism.

Public schools - another easy arena of criticism:

a. kids' critiqued/shaped/steered toward menial careers -
b. kids' critique "friends" as trying to be smart and white and/or Asian - which has no "cred" for black and brown -
c. total lack of critique for teachers who aren't accountable and professional esp. to get outcomes that provide for kids' future success

Posted by Sean at March 5, 2006 10:24 AM

A good aphorism. Yes, it is the way we are affected by things and in particular, by others´ statements that makes up the kind of reaction we will show. I am not very fond of assessing the "correctness" of critical opinions. Who is correct in most things human? It depends on the different perspective.

This can easily be a good basis for a civic mutual comprehension and respect. I also think a sense of dialectical tension is not only anavoidable but also necessary. If we forget this last point we risk being delusional.

Posted by Felix Gerena at March 5, 2006 12:16 PM

I always consider the source and the motive.
I do not wish for people to constantly agree with me, but their criticism must be well intentioned.

Those who seek to grow often times request criticism and I certainly do, but I don't extend this invitation to everyone. I'm not a fool!

Posted by Susan at March 5, 2006 3:36 PM

Fascinating topic Steve ….

Actually I have not yet met ANYONE who takes criticism with a smile.

We humans don’t like to be told ‘you didn’t do well enough’. It hurts – that is a normal reaction. We should expect that reaction.

Criticism has to be given in a safe, private and supportive place. No one should suffer, for instance, the appalling indignity of being ‘shouted at’ in public and yet there are those who seem to think that will motivate a person – What planet are such people from?

My experience is that the great majority of people who offer criticism deliver it in a poor way – maybe I have been unlucky! The most constructive criticism I ever had in my career was some pretty negative feedback but it was from a boss I respected and he handled it well in a safe, private and supportive way. Although it still hurt I could accept it – albeit reluctantly.

I think many words are spoken and written about how to deliver constructive criticism but I believe it to be a rare talent possessed by few people.

Many people say they CAN accept criticism but frankly I don’t believe it is true for 99% of us.

Of course I may be wrong :-)

Posted by Trevor Gay at March 5, 2006 4:24 PM

When it comes to criticism I have but one rule:

Ignore the critics but EMBRACE THE CRITICISM.

Posted by Dave Guerra at March 5, 2006 8:30 PM

Criticism is information. Sometimes it is information about the person being criticized. Sometimes it is information about the person doing the criticizing. Information is always good! Sometimes it takes a minute to realize that and to choose not to be hurt.

Posted by Marianne Powers at March 5, 2006 10:22 PM

I believe in CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM

Constructive criticism is GOOD! Usually the goal in constructive criticism is to critique an individual so they will benefit or improve. The question remains, how do we give constructive criticism without appearing to be phony or couching the constructive criticism to a point where the person does not take it seriously?
1. Constructive criticism has to be genuine. A person giving this criticism has to genuinely feel it is important to give it.
2. Be open & have the candor to say things the way it is to be said / meant to be said.
3. The person receiving the criticism must have some level of understanding of your role, and understand that you truly want them to improve.
4. Take a team approach. By doing this, you have created a collegiate type atmosphere. Both individuals are on the same level. Now you can set the stage to critique, not criticize, and then begin to construct a foundation for improvement.
5. Do not be harsh – Don’t pelt stones sitting inside a glass house!
Actually, constructive criticism takes time & practice but can be done well to see visible & quantifiable improvements in the person being criticized.

Posted by K.Sriram at March 5, 2006 11:05 PM

One good way to always handle criticism is NOT to react in ANY WAY immediately to it. Easy to say, hard to put it into practice!! What this does is helps you just to take the inputs in, dismiss the first gut-level reactions, assess the motives in a calmer atmosphere later and then helps you decide whether it is first "constructive", devoid of other motives and then to take it in the spirit in which it is given and respond appropriately!

The same advice is often given to people who respond to email messages - not to respond immediately but let it sit there for a day or two and then respond - always helps you do a better job of responding!

Posted by Nari Kannan at March 6, 2006 3:55 AM

I think in many ways this subject is linked to our listening skills. Do you sit and let the other person get their whole point across before leaping in with a defense? Even if the speaker can't, can you take personal feelings and the immediate emotion out of the comments and do you look for the key insights the speaker is offering? Can you / are you prepared to consider that this person might not necesarily be right but in order to rub along better, you're prepared to modify your behaviour towards him or her? If you disagree, can you do so in a way doesn't belittle the other person? Great subject!

PS: I'm not always very good at receiving criticism. It'd be nice to see some of the tips offered in these postings pulled together into a special presentation, Steve...

Posted by Mark JF at March 6, 2006 4:23 AM

I have often been told: 'You take criticism too personally’

My answer: 'What a load of poppycock (English saying) - I take it personally because it FEELS personal!'

I don't mean breaking down as an emotional wreck and crying when you get criticised – we are all adults. It IS ABOUT having this ‘done to you’ sensitively – simple as that.

I maintain criticism is fine but only when done in the right environment, privately, sensitively and in a supportive way. This is not rocket science.

And ….. I still have to meet a person who takes criticism well.

Posted by Trevor Gay at March 6, 2006 4:24 AM

Trevor,
One hundred percent agree with you that it's about how the criticism is applied. Also agree one hundred percent that there are a few people who have a rare gift that allows them to criticise you while spurring you on to do better.

Ironically, while you rightly point out that criticism should be given in private, I know of someone who could tell you off in public and still make you feel like a golden child at the same time.

My high school basketball coach would see you make a mistake during practice and would shout out things like "you're too good to do something so dumb",or "a player of your calibre should be making much better decisions".

The thing is, there was no hint of sarcasm and we all knew that he really meant it. That way, we recognised that we had screwed up, but we were also challenged to live up to his exalted view of us. Genius....

Posted by frederick kambo at March 6, 2006 5:51 AM

Wonderful story Frederick - I agree with you there are those rare ‘genius types’ who have that ability. They know HOW to motivate people. You cannot learn that stuff from a book or classroom.

Sadly most captains I played play under on the soccer pitch just gets back a load of verbal abuse and so EVERYONE loses if captains or coaches simply shout at people with criticism – that applies in work and play as far as I can see.

I have had the pleasure of playing soccer under the sort of leadership you describe - a rare talent indeed.

I always encourage the leadership students I teach that an encouraging and consoling hug is better than a mouthful of verbal abuse :-)

We all make mistakes – the last thing we need is a reminder!

I remember asking my sons to tidy their bedrooms many times - shouting NEVER helped! - bribery works :-) ...just joking ....

Posted by Trevor Gay at March 6, 2006 6:17 AM

While I generally don't believe in communication formulas because of the importance of such things as trust levels, authenticity,etc.(described very well in some of the comments above), sometimes guidelines help me frame carefully in difficult situations. One piece of advice that has helped me be less reticent about offering criticism (but don't remember the source)--is that both criticism and praise are best accepted if they are framed specifically and descriptively, rather than broadly and evaluatively. Example:

"Your backswing is terrible. The technique really needs work."(general, evaluative) vs. "In your backswing, your racket is coming to about your waist. Backswings have more power when...." (specific, descriptive, appropriate)

It seems to me that this kind of language--while certainly not the only good way to give criticism--helps create an environment in which constructive criticism is less difficult both to give and receive.

the new alternative drug to viagra Posted by Kathy Hale at March 6, 2006 6:47 AM

free viagra sample pack

To make people think and to put a double whammy of a twist onto this discussion, try applying criticism (of any kind) in a Chinese cultural context, where "saving face" is the norm.

After ten years working in Taiwan, I am still learning how to give customers constructive advice. I many times end up being "the direct American," giving one comment too many. I now mostly just try and keep my mouth shut, tone comments way down, circle around issues and well, act like them:) Or go into 3rd person mode. For example, "if I was your customer and I saw this press release for your newest Windows Mobile OS Smart phone, what would I think if I saw these errors?"

One thing I know for sure, Westerners thrive on debate, where generally, if you can prove something and use good logic, the point gets across to some degree.

I think debate ties directly with criticism. People have to be able to explain (defend) themselves/actions/output adequately. The Chinese simply do not have a lot of practice doing this.

In my opinion, this is where Chinese companies are kind of like the military (more of a strict hierarchy. I have never been in the military). Even though you might know something is incorrect, or possibly not the best it could be, you would never challenge or question the person in charge. You can't! I think this management style has obviously worked well for numerous OEM/ODM manufacturing based companies, but is not effective for brand building companies. I do not know how many times I have heard, "we don't like the new product name or slogan either, and we know it is not good, but our President likes it. So we can't change it." This is going on every single day at 1000s of Chinese companies (and Western companies too). It just becomes magnified when people are doing it in a second (English) language.

I find it all amazing, full of opportunities. We deal with these types of internal and external communication issues daily here in Taiwan. The more we understand the customer, the more value we can add.

Regards

Posted by Jay Slovic at March 6, 2006 7:20 AM

Slight risk of ending up in a battle of semantics here, but isn't 'critique' actually about the evaluation and judgement, as in 'pointing out the errors', and not about the remedying of errors, which is more of what the concept of 'coaching' covers?!

Kathy's example above - in my humble opinion - shows the difference between critique and coaching, and I'm not sure the 'problem' lies in the way critique is given.

Most often, critique is given by people who do not necessarily have the competencies needed to do a better job than you. As suce, they are unable to 'coach' you into a better performance, but merely able to point out the errors noted.

Where this becomes a problem, is when the critique ONLY contains negative remarks, telling you only what parts of your work is NOT good enough, and making no comments when your work IS good enough (or perhaps even better than 'good enough').
When that happens, things feel lop-sided and 'unfair', and the recipient feels like he/she is being unfairly flogged, when - in reality - the critique just leaves out the 'implied' 95% compliments on a job well done.

It's not that the critique is wrong, or that it is wrongly percieved, more that it is simply too 'implied' to constitute 'good inter-person communications'.

Posted by Lars Olufsen at March 6, 2006 8:05 AM

I try to never criticize anyone.

Why not? It simply does not work for me.

In my experience, criticism makes people defensive. From my point of view, if I want to change someone's behavior, it is generally more effective to point out positives and make suggestions. This has worked for me many times, where criticism has not.

Posted by Eric Ralph at March 6, 2006 8:59 AM

Amen Eric - I am with you totally.Isn't it simple?

Posted by Trevor Gay at March 6, 2006 10:43 AM

Great posts everyone... simply, criticism stinks because it is personal and most of the time just our honest opinion... and WE ALL DO IT, multiple times, every single day!

It's sad, because the well-intended "constructive criticism" is good, but its still criticsm. And, it often comes across negatively. Think about the recent post that cited sports examples... in the end, even if you are a coach and trying to help someone with a technique change, it's still your opinion. Someone can always do something better, but in the end, people succeed by doing things differently.

The reality of my life is that I am young (33) and everyone always has "constructive criticism" of me because they are so-called "more-experienced" or "older." What crap because most of the time it comes across in a bad manner - why should I listen to the Monday-morning quarterback? But, if it comes in a way/manner that actually helps me when I am in the throes of doing something, it works for me.

In the end, it's all about timing.

Posted by Al Carbone at March 6, 2006 1:27 PM

One more comment--in response to Lars: Your point is well taken--criticisms I offer tend to come in a context of coaching, parenting, or teaching, so I've probably found a method that works for me in that context. I will add, though, that coming from an academic background, I think of criticism as part of a "critical stance," meaning an analytic perspective. In that perspective description comes first (which I can provide) interpretation and judgment afterwards (which people can often provide for themselves.)

Posted by Kathy Hale at March 6, 2006 3:30 PM

Actually, I think that unless you are my parent (and I'm under the age of majority) or my boss, you have absolutely no right to offer me criticism about anything--constructive or otherwise. The biggest problem with criticism is the fact that there is so much of it and we all tend to try to act on it without remembering that the person who gave it to us was either repeating criticism they were given earlier and took seriously (more fool they), full of "it" themselves, or only offering us their opinion. Stop criticising, start listening, remember that you don't know everything, and let people get on with living, working, creating, and etc.

Posted by Mike at March 6, 2006 5:09 PM

WARNING - THIS POSTING HAS THE NO-BULLSHIT KITE-MARK OF AUTHENTIC LIVING:

i hate being criticised... how do they know what is going on inside my head?... or what emotions i was having when the 'critical' event happened?... or the context within which i was operating?... they're wrong to criticise me... they are only operating from their mental model, not mine... if they had done it the way they say, i would have criticised them!...

i don't take on board criticism... it's mostly just their viewpoint... i have mine

Posted by OneHandClapping at March 8, 2006 10:13 AM

Amen - OneHandClapping - I am with you 100%!

Posted by Trevor Gay at March 8, 2006 1:31 PM

WARNING - THIS POSTING HAS THE NO-BULLSHIT KITE-MARK OF AUTHENTIC LIVING:

I freely 'fess up to being sensitive to criticism, whether it's meant genuinely or not and whether it's delivered sensitively or not. However, I try not to shut my mind to the vague possibility that I may be wrong about a few things or that I could change my viewpoint or that there are other ways of looking at things or that someone else may provide a thought or an idea or an observation that lets me live and work in a better way.

Posted by Mark JF at March 9, 2006 4:20 AM