Comments

Yeah... it's called 'the internet'.

Posted by gulliver at September 16, 2006 2:37 AM

"Quality" Paperback Bookclub example: just CANCELLED account 3 times - however, still getting mailings - maybe default books coming next - with subsequent billings! AVOID QPB!

Posted by sean at September 16, 2006 12:01 PM

I'm reading the book Videoblogging from Extreme Tech (Wiley) and on page 9, in an interview with Steve Garfield, he's asked if others understand what he's doing with vlogs.

He says, "Most of the time people want to talk about themselves."

This is true in business, as you know. Success Kills, as you state. Because the company obsesses over past success formulas, rather than opening their eyes to what Changes they need to implement.

It's funny how people prefer to discuss their families and materialistic junk they accumulate for no reason...rather than Big Ideas and New Opportunities.

Videoblogging is where it's at.

Tom, a sincere request: Please hook up a $50 web cam to your PC, and dash off a video clip once a week or monthly at least, post it to YouTube, Revver, Google Video, whatever (I suggest YouTube due to ease and popularity) and then embed the player into a blog post.

I love how you state that CEOs must be CDOs (chief destruction officers) in Information Week and picked up by Fortune Innovation blog (where I encountered it).

Flash in the pan successes are the New Reality. How true. Brief success, followed by innovators burying you. Ha!

Posted by steven e. streight aka vaspers the grate at September 16, 2006 12:56 PM

Any? Hundreds. Thousands.

Posted by Cem Basman at September 16, 2006 2:33 PM

Any? Hundreds. Thousands. 54.2 million blogs.

Posted by Cem Basman at September 16, 2006 2:36 PM

Let me offer a specific example. JPMorgan/Chase/BankOne et al. They are the poster children for tortuous, circuitous dialog. Several rounds of conversation this week left me feeling not like the highly valued customer they claim me to be, but an unwashed peasant that can't put a thought together. Big, arrogant and self-absorbed. Beware.

Posted by Kate at September 16, 2006 2:57 PM

Steve

Monologues represent a fair proportion of the "noise" in our lives. At work, home, and even on our commute it is difficult to escape the world of the repetitive monologue. Most people whilst engaged in "their monologue" seem to believe they are "marketing" or "selling" something as they drone on and on. I am as guilty of it as the next person!!!

I recently started re-reading the Cluetrain Manefesto in the hope that I might cure myself of the worst elements of my mononlogues. I think the Cluetrain Manifesto is all about having more "conversations" and fewer "monologues" - conversations that are relevant to both parties ie sender and receiver. Conversing with people about things of common interest may well be an 'art form' that now needs some careful nuturing (in both our tangible and virtual world).

Cheers
Richard Lipscombe

Posted by Richard Lipscombe at September 16, 2006 8:35 PM

@ vaspers the grate : Steve, I have asked TP members to conduct and prep , Podcasts for along time. This is still forthcoming.. Vlog is the next step forward.

Steve Y : Yes, monologues are also known as "Corporate-speech", its only when they contend to come out from the ivory tower will we see genuine talk ..

Posted by /pd at September 16, 2006 8:57 PM

Well said, sir. Monologues disguised as dialogues can sometimes occur when the person in question faces people who cannot/do not understand her/his drift. Even disagreements and confrontations need the right idioms. Tell me about people who have the power and the competence to immediately, in an agreeable way, confront the "monologues as dialogues." These will be the new change agents. The clues lie in psychology, not linear thinking.

(Hints: Tone of speaking, perceptions into the subconscious, lateral sense of humour)

Posted by Madhavan at September 17, 2006 8:39 AM

Read "On Dialogue" by David Bohm.

Posted by Tom Asacker at September 17, 2006 10:49 AM

There is no such thing as conversation. It is an illusion. There are intersecting monologues, that is all.
— Rebecca West (1892-1983),

Posted by Nik at September 17, 2006 10:30 PM

Communications/conversations are about connecting not information or "monologues". Unfortunately the world today...as in the past...faces the same challenges as always...actually conversing about our differences, our likes, and our needs.

We have now have a high tech society where we fool ourselves into thinking we are communicating with IM, e-mail, internet, TV, etc. Talk shows are monologues. Politicians carry on in monologues. We polarize our society when we no longer can actually have a conversation where we listen and take time to understand someone else. Nations would rather go to war than actually understand each other.

I have taught leaders for many years a method of building a conversation that builds connections. It is called RPM. Every effective conversation must be built with mutual Respect, Purpose, and Meaning. If one of those are missing conversations fail.

The best leaders can do is create a safe enviroment where good conversations, ideas, and solutions to problems can be achieved. Therein lies a powerful leadership quality.

It is up to each of us to break the barriers that keep us apart.

Posted by Phil Clark at September 17, 2006 11:39 PM

It's very easy to criticise people who "talk at us," i.e. they direct a monologue at us. But there are times when that is exactly what you have to do: politicians, business people, all of us sometimes have a message that we want to get across clearly and unambiguously. How often do we criticise politicians if one of them is just ever so slightly "off message" compared to his leader and then try to use it as evidence of a split or worse?

BTW, I think there is one point missing from this thread. Communication, dialogue, call it what you will is not only about talking; it's also about listening.

Posted by Mark JF at September 18, 2006 4:55 AM

Mark is very right. The two powertools of communication are listening and asking questions. Neither skill is taught in elementary or high school. Even colleges really ignore these skills. In fact, where were you taught how to build a conversation? Is it any wonder we have the communication problems we face?

If we expect our children to learn how to effectively communicate, where are the examples? TV, news shows, politicians, families? Don't get me wrong, there are some great communicators. Every day many parents, teachers and leaders invest the time and patience to communicate effectively, unfortunately they usually are not heralded in way that many see their skills.

What does this mean for business? The key to businesses meeting the demands of an everchanging world lie in the innovation and ideas of people that take the time to have conversations that allow them to learn and understand the world around them. Monologues are found in companies that perish.

Posted by Phil Clark at September 18, 2006 8:47 AM

Dear Steve:

Really great observation.

On my opinion we must follow one simple rule, that I hear some years ago:

"We have two ears and one mouth. Therefore we must listen more than we speak."

Listen means: to hear, understand and respect the other person who is talking. For this you need to be humble and don't say a word.

Kenichi Ohmae in "The mind of strategist" explained it in a very simple way too:

"To be a good strategist you need first to analyse, understand, then act."

Best regards

Juan Miguel Robles
COO
DEISA
Guadalajara, Mexico

Posted by Juan Miguel Robles at September 18, 2006 9:00 AM

Thank you so much for these comments. They have helped me understand this issue so much better.

True conversation is a challenge, but it is at the core of productive human encounter. Blogs, email, text messaging, brochures, ads, websites ... all wonderful tools but they can be monologue traps if we're not careful.

Is it just a matter of proportion? You will have to talk "at" people sometimes (e.g., when explaining something), but is that workable if it is in the context of a relationship with that person that includes much genuine dialgoue?

Posted by Steve Yastrow at September 18, 2006 11:21 AM

Dear Steve:

Hello, one more time.

True conversation can only be hold by two or more people. Because involve hearing and talking.

Other ways of communication are not a conversation because they are one way of communication.

You can`t talk to Adds on Newspaper, TV or Internet.

viagra 50 mg drug prices This one way form of communication needs very responsable people wich can express how products or services help solve people problems (needs).

Ir our days this one way of communication is used to force people to think in one way or other, a lot of times with lies. This is a fully irresponsible way to communicate something.

One more time as I mentioned, a person with true principles (Ethics) can be able to communicate the right message. On the other hand a person without this will give people meesages in a irresponsible way.

With best regards

Juan Miguel Robles Vargas
COO
Deisa
Guadalajara, Mexico

Posted by Juan Miguel Robles at September 18, 2006 1:42 PM

It doesn't matter whether it is an employee, wife, friend or child. You have to show respect in the conversation or you are dead. They may stand their and shake their head...but their brain has turned you off. Communication is about connection. What happens in a business meeting when disrespect rears it head? How well do you participate when you are shown disrespect? Silence, anger, frustration, and avoidance are just a few of the behaviors you will see when communcations breaks down.

I was holding a workshop for law officers not long ago when a street officer asked, "How do you show respect to a person who has just beaten their baby to death?" I had the officers explore that as a group. Here were some of the conclusions... You still have to respect the law and the behavior we are upholding. Even though you may not like the person before you, what if they didn't do it? How would you like to be treated? As a officer you cannot react and become like those on the "other side". To do our job we have to show respect to ourselves, our job, the people we serve.

Law officers have a tough job. They will see things that thankfully many of us will never see in our lives. They also realize the easiest way to have anyone comply with their instructions and keep the public safe is to show respect, clearly communicate what needs to be done, and help others understand the consequences of not complying.

Building conversations is not a "touchy feely" skill. Solid conversations are necessary for the welfare of individuals, companies and countries. It is hard work.

I appologize for taking too much of everyones time. I am thankful fine people like you are having these discussions.

Posted by Phil Clark at September 18, 2006 1:45 PM

Buber's dialogism is fine, but perhaps lacks a sharper look at the process of dialoguing. Grice was not so evocative, but described some easy technical rules. See this:

http://felixgerena.typepad.com/my_weblog/2006/04/four_rules_to_m.html

Posted by Felix Gerena at September 18, 2006 3:20 PM

Next time you are faced with a monolog - try one thing - try to find out more, to really get curious about what the other person is trying to say. Note I am not talking about body language listening here - I am talking about your motivations - try with every thing you have to get curious about the other person. What they are saying, why they are saying it, what is their passion about it.

When you do this something extraordinary happens - try it!

Posted by PaulH at September 19, 2006 2:40 AM

I'm familiar with this. Whenever faced with it I try to ask the question behind the question which turns into my own internal dialogue. Dammed vicious cycles!

Posted by Chris at September 19, 2006 12:33 PM

My wife says it is the same thing as this well known fact: I LIKE TO HEAR MYSELF TALK.

Posted by Dave Guerra at September 19, 2006 3:52 PM

This was one of the first things I addressed when I started my new job last year. The sales people in particular spoke in a very strained way using words which a)they didn't understand and b)niether did the customers.

I was re-taught how to write copy by Courtney Ferguson a great DM writer. And she told me write how you speak. Being from Yorkshire, England that sometimes gets tricky. But it's still the best advice I've ever had. And I pass it to everyone I can.

Posted by Richard Michie at September 19, 2006 3:58 PM

In my line of work (consulting) it seems that a true dialog is nearly impossible. The sales team, the consulting team, partners, executives and/or any other touchpoint from the company you represent is trying to do two things:

1 - close the deal on the table
2 - once it is won don't screw it up too badly or at least wait until we can close another deal and then screw it up

I hope that most of you find these to be true statements (reference the Kevin & Penny article). However, both of these items have an agenda that doesn't really involve solving any real problems or actually talking to customers. Rather they are about how to grow revenue. That is very much an internal focus and not exactly dialog.

So in short, I think most sales calls are monologues. Rather than calling them sales calls why do we call them something that reflects the concept of a dialog?

Posted by Tom Frazier at September 20, 2006 7:41 AM

Let me add some levity to the conversation. Check out this week's Dilbert thread, Dogbert's Communication seminars. Not so far from the truth.

Posted by Kate at September 20, 2006 4:23 PM