Comments

A no cost gift that keeps on giving: an interest in--and respect for--the dignity of others. The best of holidays to you, Tom, and to all the members of your community. Ed

Posted by Ed Di Gangi at December 19, 2006 1:06 PM

I think this idea slips past too many people trained in the "hard sciences" of management and leadership that they don't get the human side, which is ulimately all there is. The truth is, the hardest side of business to reach excellence in is the human side. For what it's worth, here's a story that taught me an important lesson with regard to Tom's post.

While waiting for a flight from Houston to Phoenix, I was talking with a colleague on my cell phone, and out of the corner of my eye I noticed someone walking down the concourse. It wasn’t hard to get a sense for who he was by his appearance. He had tattoos up and down both arms, and on his neck. He had his hat on backward, two pierced ears, and two teardrop tattoos below both eyes. I’ve never been in a gang, but I knew enough about it to know that the teardrops meant he had lost a family member or fellow gang member, most likely to murder. The teardrops were his way of honoring those he lost. In addition to his outward appearance, there was something about him that didn’t feel particularly friendly. When I looked up again, he had passed by.

As I made my way to the gate, I looked up and he was standing in the middle of the aisle leading to the jetway, popping his gum. With each pop, someone would look up, and then away to avoid eye contact. I watched people go out of their way to avoid interacting with him or draw his attention. I could relate. A moment later I received another phone call and was consumed in the conversation. While I was talking, I unconsciously made my way toward the luggage carts and leaned against them. When I finished my call, I looked around to reorient myself and noticed he was standing next to me.

As the pilots checked in, grabbed their paperwork, and walked down the jetway, he asked out loud, “Are we supposed to get on the airplane?” I told him we still had about 15 minutes before we would board. He said, “Oh. Sorry. I’m just a little uptight. This is my first time flying.” I could have easily been "polite," kindly ignored him, walked to the gate, and been about my business. Candidly, I thought about it. But as Tom said in his quote of Philo of Alexandria, we don't know the whole story. So instead of checking out, I asked him for his ticket and explained the boarding process. At that moment, with no real reason, I had a love and respect for this guy that wasn’t "justified" by his appearance or by how well I knew him. I wasn’t trying to practice anything. More than anything I started out trying to be helpful, and then grew more curious. I asked him where he was going. “Home,” he said, “after 16 years in prison…just got out a few hours ago.”

He told me what gang he was in, and was in prison for drug trafficking, stolen cars and other crimes. He described his life, his crimes, his regrets, his experience in prison, and the changes he saw in himself. Much of the time he was in prison was spent in solitary confinement. We talked about other things. There was a free flow of conversation and openness. As others watched us talk, they seemed curious and surprised that we—two apparent opposites—would be talking like we were. As I boarded the plane, we put our arms on each other’s shoulders, the closest thing to an embrace I could imagine he’d had for a long time.

I take no credit for being “special” here. I think I, and all of us, could work harder at suspending judgment of race, religion, age, title, tenure, position, and politics to have something as simple and basic as an open, honest discussion. Looking back on this experience, the great irony is that he was just released from prison, and what I discovered is that I was released from a version of my own. We don't know what prisons we, or others, are in. But there is almost always one we're waiting to get out of if someone would just notice.

In the same way we’re tempted to label people we don’t know, we label people we do know. We decide we don’t like them, what they do, how they look, how they talk, what they stand for, and so on. We “know” how they’ll respond and what their motives are. We think we know whether they’ll be open, critical, creative, judgmental, or hard to work with. We justify our prejudices. But bias affects our regard and consequently, our openness with each other. And if we're not open, what do we really have left?

Thanks for the post, Tom.

Posted by steve smith at December 19, 2006 3:26 PM

One of the main reasons I subscribed to your blog, aside from the astute insights, was your propensity toward kindness and empathy. I'm reading the book "The Power of Kindness" and so much of what you write is also echoed there. Thank you for encouraging your readers to become more compassionate people.

Posted by reese at December 19, 2006 6:00 PM

Kindness, understanding and compassion are critical. I have spent the past several years dealing with a very sore back, six months of this year seeing several doctors to get a complete diagnosis and treatment options andf the past six weeks recovering from fusion surgery. The entire time I have had a very supportive boss (and company for that matter) that has made all of the difference.

Posted by Andrew Hayden at December 19, 2006 10:45 PM

Steve Smith, I doubt that you thought of your Comment as a Christmas Carol per se--but it sure is! Thanks!

Posted by tom peters at December 20, 2006 2:31 AM

One reason I keep going back to leadership lessons I learned in the Marines is that they still work. The leader has two jobs. You must accomplish the mission. And you must care for your people.

Posted by Wally Bock at December 20, 2006 9:18 AM

YES kind - I love the TRUE kindness of the "front-liners" $$$ account that provides SO well for me and mine - ALL to the "front-liners" as TG so nefariously shares time and again ... thanks $$$ TG ha ha ha :>]

Posted by $ean$$$ at December 20, 2006 11:46 AM

Great story, Steve. Same human beings, different uniforms. On a related note, I remember someone telling me that the way to be interesting is to be interested.

Posted by John O'Leary at December 20, 2006 1:03 PM

Mr. Bock;

Just remember that in the Corp it's mission then troops, while in the corporate world they tend to prefer things the other way around. Usually.

Semper Fi.

Posted by Billy Oblivion at December 21, 2006 11:48 AM

It's interesting to see a convergence take place concerning this concept - all of a sudden, I've recently come across articles on this topic on Motto and Socially Responsible Business Forum. Hopefully, this topic will gain traction in mainstream management.

Regardless of whether or not this ethos takes hold, those of us who recognize the value of Philo's words can help by incorporating his words into our business life.

Posted by John Schneider at December 21, 2006 11:54 AM

Tom, I tried to find this quote, and it appears to be from Plato rather than Philo.

In any event, a very worthwhile thought.

Posted by david foster at December 21, 2006 2:11 PM

The quote is attributed both to Philo and Plato, but because Philo lived at least 4 centuries after Plato AND because Philo was a Platophile we should probably give Plato the credit - and ultimately Socrates (Plato's usual source). One minor problem: I have never seen anyone identify the specific source of Plato's quote - i.e. which Dialogue it came from. I'll have to do some sleuthing on this one (a great excuse to dust off the Great Books).

But while we're on the subject, here's a quote of Plato's that you might want to use, Tom: "You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation." Who'da thunk Plato was an secret proponent of WOW! and the Innovation Economy? I think there's a story here that will ECLIPSE the Da Vinci Code.

Posted by John O'Leary at December 21, 2006 10:37 PM

Being at the bottom part of the career ladder I do realise the strictness imposed by the bosses yet I must say on their behalf that actually they are also fighting their own battles...aren't they???

No matter where you are on the top, at the bottom or in the middle or anywhere else... we know everyone has got issues to deal with and if all of us try to contemplate each others issues we can make life beyond doubt an exquisite experience...enough said

Posted by anuj at December 26, 2006 2:08 PM