Comments

I hate to see the kid leashes too.

Speaking of Australian Shepherds, last week I saw this sticker on the back of a car:

My Australian Shepherd is smarter than your honor student!

Gotta love it.

Al

Posted by Al Nye at March 6, 2007 2:12 PM

Agree to the kid part, but what about a 45 year-old manager who continually let's me down? Do I keep the leash on her or do I take it off and let her fail again only to "learn" a lesson she has yet to learn in 6 years with me?
I think it's chicken-egg thing...kids need room to test, explore, find out their boundaries, mid-level managers that do not want to be a "brand you" perhaps need the leash.
Managing different Managers "differently" is something I've "had" to do since the quirks they possess could drive me to drink (more).

Posted by scott swift at March 6, 2007 2:31 PM

1. I enjoy roaming & running leash-free - however - "front-liners" & their kids must be on extra short-leashes ALL the time - and please try to pass ALL the tax load to front-liners [decentralize vote] ... and if I had a "hypermanic Australian Shepherd" - I would name him "Trevor" ... in honor of TG ...

Posted by sean_leash_free at March 6, 2007 2:56 PM

Tom, Sounds like a convenience/control issue for the parent(s)...probably the type of parents that want their child to color within the lines, too.

Scott, my view - if you have to keep a manager on a leash (or use a cattle prod), you don't need them as a manager. Brand you or no brand you, the entry ticket to management is about getting the job done with little or no guidance.

Also, I eagerly await Sean's take on leashes...))

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Posted by Jeff Pasquale at March 6, 2007 3:00 PM

Sean...you beat me to it...

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Posted by Jeff Pasquale at March 6, 2007 3:02 PM

I thought the leash thing was going to be an interesting metaphor for how to balance the paradox of centralization/decentralization. A long enough leash gives someone a lot of room to roam on their own, without getting so far off course as to be lost (or run over by a car in the case of a dog).

Posted by Paul at March 6, 2007 3:19 PM

1. Jeff - thanks shall be in Orlando beautiful FL next month ... please cancel tornado activity ...

2. Morning run - often while running early in the morning, I'm especially thankful that the dogs and kids that talk to me & mock me & my cool run style [& mock Nike 360 $160 shoes] ... are indeed on leashes & behind fences for that matter - ala centralize vote for me @ times of fun runs ...

Posted by sean_orlando at March 6, 2007 3:26 PM

Tom, Yes! Both leashes and centralization represent the polar opposite of trust, empowerment, and respect.

Posted by Mike Sax at March 6, 2007 4:55 PM

Oh well, its easy to call it "Decentralization" vs "Centralization".. but has anyone ever seen a parent of a hypermanic kid who has got lost in a mall /airport whatever ?? Iits kinda scary seeing a grownup just lose brawling away in fear !!

Getting back to the issue from a company /mngt perspective- everyone in fact has a leash to a certain degree..its how long or how short it is that matters.

Posted by /pd at March 6, 2007 5:37 PM

Put the short leash on the managers and allow front liners to perform with no leash. Leashes mean someone else is in control. One of the joys of being a parent is when you see your kids go to school on their own without the leash you know something has happened about independence – why will managers never let go?

Sean – woof woof! - )

Posted by Trevor Gay at March 6, 2007 6:08 PM

Tom,

I don't like kid-leashes either, but I think my (unpopular) opinion is that it's an issue of control being “easier” than discipline.

I have a couple of friends whose four kids were trained young that when they reached the allowed "perimeter" that their parents had determined for whatever location they were in, all it took was a soft voice, just loud enough to be heard, to turn them around and bring them back.

There were reasonable and understood consequences for disobedience, and the kids knew them. The first time I saw this was in a busy shopping mall, and I was amazed. They also had more fun and family time than any other kids I knew, and are still a very tight-knit family.

Those kids (two natural, two adopted) are now grown. Three in college and one happily married. All stable and productive people.

A leash requires far less effort on my part than maintaining a consistent standard for my children, enforcing compliance to that standard, and then disciplining or rewarding as needed. A leash doesn’t require any parenting, just a firm grip.

If my focus is on “my” convenience, then I’m not interested in giving up that much of “my” time.

My .02,

-Perry

Posted by Perry P. Perkins at March 6, 2007 6:32 PM

Tom, you may have witnessed the "prerequisite training" of a future President of the USA or the future CEO of Microsoft, etc. With that type of "parenting" he or she is a certainty to be a future leader unless and until the world changes the basic model of economy and life....

Howard Gardiner in Frames of Mind wrote about the multiple aspects of intelligence... He is well worth reading because he takes us out of the dichotomies that so much of our discussions are based on.... He has a very different take on mindsets... He talks about being in China with his 5 year old... He let the kid try the key - trial error learning - and was happy when the kid got anywhere near the lock let alone unlocking the door... But passing Chinese always took the kid's hand and guided it into the lock...

The scene you witnessed says so much more about the parent than the kid... But in life as goes the parent so often so goes the child....

"Sometimes we dance to remember" so we centralise we take control we glorify the past....

"Sometimes we dance to forget" so we decentralise we step beyond being in control and we take risk filled actions (eg letting the kid roam free - ie free of our fears). We act here and now knowing that it will give shape to our future....

Richard

Posted by Richard Lipscombe at March 6, 2007 7:05 PM

What can I say?

We are the proud parents of two beautiful kids: my boy is nine years old and he has been diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome, and my daughter is turning seven next month and she's being treated for ADHD.

No leashes necessary, they both hold my or my wife's hand when we go places... but a few years back we seriously considered leashes.

G Salcido

Posted by G Salcido at March 6, 2007 11:15 PM

Dear Tom, As an Aussie who checks in regularly to your blog, I have been bemused by the 'Australian' flavour of the last couple of days. Firstly, the "Australian" ballot at your town meeting...I did a straw poll here and it was news to us that it was so named or that we were the first to hold a secret ballot! Remarkable. You have enlightened us about our own. Secondly, the Australian shepherd...my commiserations....only about the energy level that all Australian working dogs seem to have. I own two kelpies and they wear us all out from both ends. Have enjoyed your work for many years and have been deeply affected by your obvious patriotism and love of your country. But then there is your love of the Detroit Lions. Big good luck with that! Best wishes from Down Under. James Brennan

Posted by James at March 7, 2007 1:27 AM

Gabriel - hope you are well. You and your wife are the real experts on this my friend - you summed it up perfectly - keep on being a brilliant parent :-)

Best

Trevor

Posted by Trevor Gay at March 7, 2007 4:00 AM

I used to think the same thing about kid leashes until my son had twin boys. With one parent tring to keep two busy two year olds safe in a crowd, the leashes were vital to safety. Now, at age 3, they are not...the leashes helped them learn to stay close and stay safe.

Pushing the methaphor a bit...there are times when a manager/employee needs a leash. To stay safe, to not go into a dangerous situation unknowingly. The test is do they learn, so they can then operate unleashed.

I learned and changed with my own experience with twin grandsons. I learn and change from my own experience as a manager as well.
.

Posted by Joe Ely at March 7, 2007 6:20 AM

The leash is simply the easiest solution for the Parent. My wife and I still use the old tool of “The Look”. The look tells the child if you keep doing that I will make your life miserable and painful. But for today’s “open minded” society, the look is out dated and borders on brutality. I enjoy sitting in public spaces where parents implement their “only in public” form of discipline. They act as if they are in control but clearly they are not. You might hear things like “They don’t act like this at home” or “What’s gotten in to them today”; as if today is unusual when the alignment of the moon dictates the child’s poor behavior. Control and discipline are a responsibility not a choice to be made when convenient or in the public.

Posted by RTodd at March 7, 2007 9:02 AM

What about the saying that goes, "Engagement doubles when an employee is treated like a partner but is halved when the employee is treated as a subordinate."

There are merits to be had to relaxing the leash and empowering others to make decisions.

But, there is also risk eliminated when the leash is held short.

Posted by Nick at March 7, 2007 9:10 AM

you obviously have never had the terror of almost (or God forbid, losing) a child in crowds. I know it looks bad, but today's public places are havens for child-snatchers. Not like it was 20 years ago...

Posted by Woody at March 7, 2007 9:38 AM

Perry and RTodd nailed it - parents use a leash because it's easier than actually paying attention. With a leash, the parent can chat blissfully on a cellphone, ignoring the amazing, energetic and lively child they are supposed to be nurturing and loving.

No leashes for my kids - ever!

Posted by Dan Ward at March 7, 2007 9:58 AM

Actually Woody, I would bet every parent has had a child wander of off in a crowd at one time or another. For myself, it was several years ago in Vegas at Circus Circus. It took less than a 5 second distraction for me to lose sight of my six year old and about 10 minutes to locate him. After which, he endured a 20 minute lecture from me and another one from his mother. The rules are simple, we hold hands when crossing the street and in large crowds, regardless of age. I would argue that an attentive parent with discipline has a much less problem with kids wandering off than one with three leashes.

Several months ago at Church the boys were allowed to run along the side walk, where we saw that they were headed for an elderly couple. I yelled at them to stop and wait for us to catch up. Upon passing the Pastor’s Wife, she said “that was the most impressive thing she had ever seen”. It’s sad that simply setting behavioral norms is now considered “impressive”.

Posted by RTodd at March 7, 2007 10:22 AM

Keep it simple! It is about safety and only safety.

Posted by Sam at March 7, 2007 5:29 PM

I suspect most parents are "winging it" most of the time, and it is pretty high-handed of us to decide what's "right" or "wrong." If there's no abuse, mind your own business. As a metaphor for decentralization, it works all right. (Whatever happened to the term "empowerment?" Means the same thing, I think.) As for Aussies, we have a couple, and they calmed down in time, but have always remained very playful and active.

Posted by Mike at March 8, 2007 7:32 AM

RTodd - I wonder what your feelings about a leash would be if the 10 minutes turned into 10 hours and then to 10 days ultimately culminating in the discovery of your precious six year old in a field somewhere, the one-in-ten-million child victim of a sexual preditor? I cannot agree with the analogy of centralization vs decentralization and the use of a leash on a child. The decision by the parent here might not have had anything to do with being lazy or not wanting to have to deal with the child. It may well have been to protect the child against that one in ten million chance of the impossible happening. Parents absolutly cannot always have their attention on their child AT ALL TIMES. There will always be distractions and one never knows when or why they will occur and what the children will do when it happens.

Now having said that, I think that there is an age thing here also, as has already been mentioned. I would not have ever thought of leashing a six year old either. Your actions were entirely correct for his age in my opinion. My point is that sometimes these decisions are not based on a lazy parent taking the easy way out but rather in providing the most protection.

I am getting up there in age but have always believed in seatbelts. I even put them in my mother's '57 Chevy and used them. My kids have never been in a car with me when they were not belted in, even comming home from the hospital for the first time. Came the fatefull day when another car crossed the center line and hit us head on with us both going 50mph. Other than my wife's busted knee cap, no one was injured beyond bruses from the belts. One of the police officers looked at me and said, "You better be glad your son in the middle of the back seat had his belt on. Most of the time, they fly up between the bucket seats and go through the windshield in accidents this bad." By insisting on something that was quite unpopular at the time, I quite possibly saved my son's life. And, yes, we did leash our kids on occasion.

Posted by Al at March 8, 2007 3:47 PM

I see from a number of comments that "fear" is a driving force in acceptance of the "leash". I would pose the question: Are we as parents and managers (nee leaders) allowing our fear to alter and constrain the opportunities for our children and employees? Not always an easy balance and one that can be assisted by agreed boundaries and through education.

Posted by Weird Salmon at March 11, 2007 7:02 PM

Has anyone ever followed up on "leashed children"... they've been around long enough that there must be some adults now who were leashed by their parents.
How do/did THEY feel about it?? Are they using a leash or considered using one with their own kids?
Initially I thought the same as most of you and did not use them... although I did have a few incidents with my sons when they were younger. It is terrifying to have a child run off in a crowd or near traffic!
Regardless of how "well-trained" they may be, kids will be kids!

Posted by Page at March 12, 2007 9:50 AM

Hi

Page, my parents used to leash my older brother in dangerous places, as he was quite impossible to keep in line. We sometimes talk about it, at family gatherings, but it is always something we have found quite amusing, that he was that impossible to control. At family gatherings we always have a million stories about the things he used to do (you know how the same stories always get rerun at such gatherings).

They started doing it after an incident on a boat, where he was starting to climb over the railing, but got stopped. He continued to be very wild until he grew up and it's not something traumatic or anything that he was controlled like that. (my sister and i was never leashed as the need was not there.)

My point is just that some kids are just hard to control and again, where safety is a concern, a leash might be the best solution.

And about the parent in Tom's post, he might have worn the leash before entering the airport, and even though it was empty might not have had ample reason to, or time to, take it off again (and if he was anything like me at airports; a nervous wreck that I will make everything on time, he might not have acted completely rational).

Posted by MBertelsen at March 14, 2007 5:27 AM