dispatches from the new world of work

Ask 'em!

Don't remember where I was among the many stops during my just completed mega-trip. But I do remember the exchange, more or less. It went like this:

Exec: "But Tom, how do we find out what it is that people really want?"
Tom (after a long pause and a lot of thought—and I'm not kidding): "Ask 'em."

Listening Is an Act of Love book cover Of course I acknowledged that it's not so easy as that. If you are a close-to-the-vest sort, folks will wonder what your true agenda is—or what seminar you're just back from. So you'll just have to practice and be persistent. (And actually care about what you hear!) I recalled this little exchange when, last night at Georgetown's Barnes & Noble, I happened across Listening Is An Act of Love: A Celebration of American Life from the StoryCorps Project, by Dave Isay.

Isay, MacArthur Fellowship winner among many other things, started StoryCorps in 2003. Guiding principles are:

"Our stories—the stories of everyday people—are as interesting and important as the celebrity stories we are bombarded with ...
"If we take the time to listen, we'll find wisdom, wonder and poetry in the lives and stories of the people all around us.
"We all want to know our lives have mattered ...
"Listening is an act of love."

I probably bought the book because I randomly opened it at page 60, a 5-pager titled "Ken Kobus, 58, tells his friend Ron Baraff, 42, about making steel." It was wonderful, in the truest—filled with wonder—sense of that wonderful, if overused, word. (An equally compelling 2-pager on Samuel Black, a Cincinnati public school teacher, followed. Etc.)

I loved the stories—and truly loved the "Listening is an act of love" idea. To "get" the idea, I think you must truly ponder the meaning of "love" as used here. Listening is probably-doubtless the premier "act of love." True for the husband or wife or preacher or doctor*—and, I'd contend, equally true for the IS project leader heading a 6-person team. (*Docs are notoriously lousy listeners, but that's another day's comment.) In fact it seems to me that "listening is the ultimate leadership skill" ("listening with love"?) is an idea, and a practical idea at that, well worth pondering—and operationalizing.

As I say all this, I am of course mostly parroting Matthew Kelly, author of The Dream Manager and our recent Cool Friend. He contends that we are all driven by our dreams, and if leaders make a "strategic" commitment to discovering the dreams of their followers, and then provide opportunities to pursue those dreams (shape the organization's culture around the pursuit of those dreams), "organizational effectiveness" and "customer satisfaction" will vault to the top of the league tables.

So: the Six Big Words I take from the above are:

Ask.
Listen.
Story.
Dream.
Universal.
Love.

I'll say more later, but for now, write the Six Words on a 3X5 card, stick it in your pocket, read it before—and after—your next meeting or phone call or even email, and ponder it.

Lemme know if it makes sense-works.

Tom Peters posted this on 11/29/07.

Comments

Great post Tom. The only word I would add to your list is...WATCH.

Although asking people what they want and listening (really listening) to the answer is akin to speaking Latin in today's high schools, what is even more foreign and thus, unavoidably obvious, is just watching people and noting where they struggle, what they enjoy, what might help them enjoy more, etc.

Posted by Paul Williams at November 29, 2007 2:24 PM

Great topic Tom â€“ I vividly remember as a manager in a hospital over 25 years ago I would routinely set aside one afternoon to go around the wards to just sit and talk to patients and their family carers to get their story. I had no real agenda other than to find out their experience of our system. There was no great strategic or academic thinking on my part â€“ it just felt like a good idea (At least Iâ€™m honest) Most of the discussions were spent with me in listening mode.

As I got older I completed all the right management courses and ticked all the right boxes in the healthcare management career path. I moved up the ladder and did my Post Graduate MA Management (Healthcare) at Plymouth Business School for three years. That wonderful thirst for knowledge made me read more and more stuff about what it takes to be a better manager. I loved it. All the way along I gathered the â€˜rightâ€™ theory about what it takes to be an effective healthcare manager.

I now reflect at 55 about the significant investment (time and money) that was made in me for my management development during my healthcare career and apart from thinking how grateful I am I also think about what element of my personal and professional development has had the most impact on me and formed my management style.

There is simply no argument â€“ itâ€™s a no brainer. Listening to patient stories almost 20 years ago had a disproportionately positive impact on my learning and forming my beliefs.

Oh how I wish all hospital managers had a job description MANDATING them to meet at least 10 patients per week. We would then maybe, just maybe have a responsive healthcare system rather than one where many managers regard patients as an inconvenient interruption to writing reports that no-one reads.

Sorry to go on a bit â€¦. Youâ€™ve probably stopped â€˜listeningâ€™ :-)

In a nutshell I believe there is only one greater communication skill than listening. That is HEARING what has been said.

Posted by Trevor Gay at November 29, 2007 5:21 PM

Trevor is right on the ball with this one.

Great listening comes from attitude not technique. If you really care about your people you don't have to worry about them opening up - if you really care you can trust the process and you will be amazed. If you are struggling to have people open up to you first reflect on what you really think about them.

Posted by PaulH at November 30, 2007 3:28 AM

I've noticed that rapt listeners are always sought after. Talkers, less so.

That applies to companies, leaders, and the guy next to you on the plane.

Posted by Walt Kania at November 30, 2007 8:43 AM

One of the characterisics of "love" is being totally present, in the moment--both mind and body. Listening with love puts you in a special place.

Posted by Paul Thornton at December 2, 2007 9:07 PM

Re: making steel

I once worked in the training department of a large aerospace company. One of my colleagues had been a welder, but had to quit welding for medical reasons, so he transferred into our department and was just marking time until he'd put in enough years to retire. So I didn't think much of him until the day I was writing a training program about welding safety and asked him for information. Well, the floodgates opened: welding was his great passion in life, and he knew everything there was to know about welding, so he was delighted to share his knowledge (and tickled that I was writing something that made use of his expertise). Needless to say, our relationship changed for the WAY better.

Posted by Paula at December 3, 2007 4:12 PM

Thank you so much for spreading the word about StoryCorps! It’s wonderful to see these stories gain new life through the people who read and pass them on – we hope they continue to resonate so strongly with readers!

Tom, I wanted to let you know that we’ve released “Listening Is An Act of Love” in paperback, and also launched a set of do-it-yourself tips and tools to make recording these conversations accessible for anyone. As the holidays draw nearer, we’re hoping to pass on a gift idea: pairing a copy of “Listening Is An Act of Love” with a copy of a personally-recorded conversation (or with a request for a friend or loved one to tell you about their life). This adds a meaningful touch to the holiday season, and gives that special someone incredible inspiration to share their own stories! The book and DIY tools can be linked to at www.storycorps.net.

Thanks again and best wishes for the New Year!
Amy
StoryCorps

Posted by Amy at December 18, 2008 10:20 PM