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The Art of Reframing

Ah, context is everything. This hits home to me every time I hear the Céline Dion song, "Because You Loved Me."

My initial reaction to the tune, when I first heard it a dozen years ago, went something like, "Ok, nice vocal performance and musical arrangement. But ENOUGH of these slavishly dependent love lyrics where someone's very existence is contingent on a lover's attention. 'I'm everything I am because you loved me.' Really! Is that a message you want to be sending out to a hundred million listeners, especially other women? How about believing in yourself no matter what he thinks?"

But a few years later I came across an interview with the writer of the song, Diane Warren, who explained that she wrote "Because You Loved Me" to thank her father for his unshakable belief in her—and especially his relentless support of her artistic aspirations. Wham! The song was instantly transformed before my very ears! A mawkish ballad became a paean to a father's love. Instead of being annoyed, I was immediately inspired and even choked up by it. (After all, what parent would not die to hear that sentiment from a daughter?) The song itself didn't change, but seen in a new light, the song could have a dramatically different effect.

This, of course, has applications to work life where we can feel slapped around by events daily that have unpleasant meanings for us. But an event itself doesn't determine its meaning, we do. What matters is our interpretation of an event. And with a little thought and creativity we can find different interpretations to most things that happen to us. Such is the art of "reframing"—viewing an event through a new and deliberately chosen frame. We probably all do it at times—for instance, when we decide to view a misfortune (perhaps a career setback or a job loss) as a constructive opportunity (perhaps an occasion to take a new direction in our work or learn a new set of skills). The choice is up to us in how to interpret these events. And from our interpretation comes our response.

So it is that a pop tune on the radio can be heard as either a sappy report on helpless infatuation or as a timeless acknowledgment of a daughter's enduring love for her father.

John O'Leary posted this on 09/08/08.

Comments

You mean "paean", not "peon." Very different meaning.

Posted by Andy Lester at September 8, 2008 12:15 PM

Thanks for this post. As we begin the week on this [rainy where I am] Monday, you've given us good food for thought, a reminder of our role in making daily choices for happiness. Thanks!

Posted by Heidi Reimer-Epp [Botanical PaperWorks] at September 8, 2008 12:35 PM

andy, thanks for the catch and letting us know. yes, pretty big difference in meaning...

Posted by erik hansen at September 8, 2008 12:41 PM

This was a test, Andy, to see if our blog readers were paying attention. Glad to know you were. (Next, we'll see who can spot the squirrels.)

As an addendum to the post, I highly recommend Paul Watzlawick's 1974 book, "Change: Principles of Problem Formation and Problem Resolution" - the best book on change (and reframing) from a behavioral science perspective that I've ever read. (http://www.amazon.ca/Change-Paul-Watzlawick/dp/0393011046/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1220898926&sr=1-2) A must-read for anyone in the field of personal or organizational transformation.

Posted by John O'Leary at September 8, 2008 2:02 PM

interesting point on shifting the frame -- but could you find a different example than celine dion? her singing hurts my teeth.

Posted by Claudia at September 8, 2008 2:25 PM

Claudia, there are dozens of other versions of the song (which you can sample on iTunes) if you want to find one that's easier on the molars. But most of them are TOO easy, and might qualify as dental anesthesia. But it's the song itself, as composed by the talented Diane Warren, which (now) impresses me so much. Elegant and imaginative chord changes supporting a simple message. Interesting trivia (where else would you get this vital information?): Ms. Warren claims she's never, not once, been in love. This would seem to confirm the stereotype that we songwriters tend to be a little unhinged. (Just for the record, I was in love with my cat once.)

Posted by John O'Leary at September 8, 2008 3:22 PM

I knew it John - you are just an incurable old romantic. 'Best of My Love' has the same effect on me :-)

Posted by Trevor Gay at September 8, 2008 3:47 PM

You listen to Celine Dion?
Ha-ha-ha-ha that's way too funny.
Celine was good at nineteen when she actually sang - after that - she turned into a machine with bad phrasing, average live shows and cancelled shows because she can't manage her vocal chords. Can't even write her own songs.

Fellow Canadian Sarah McLachlan writes her own material, sings, tours frequently, puts on a great live show, hardly ever cancels shows - and if you ever wanted to hear an Angel sing, listen to Sarah.

Most woman will attest to the beauty and messages of Sarah's songs over the drivel of songs that Celine's people choose for her...

Posted by Peter Gordon at September 8, 2008 7:47 PM

Quote:
Ms. Warren claims she's never, not once, been in love.
(Posted by John O'Leary)

Yeah, right, sure.
What a crock!

Don't you just hate it when someone lies just for the sake of a sale or to enhance an image or to create ink??

Posted by Paul at September 8, 2008 7:51 PM

Heidi, I just noticed your business is located in Winnipeg. I flew through there almost every weekend in 1997 & 1998 when I was consulting to a copper mine in Flin Flon (where hockey is an organized religion). I fondly remember the 40 below temperatures in FF which can start in early November. (That finally cured me of an old habit of throwing on my coat AFTER I stepped outside.)

Trevor, I'd prefer you think of me as incurable young romantic but either way it's nice to be thought of as incurable. Now, I forget, who recorded "Best of My Love"?

Posted by John O'Leary at September 8, 2008 8:02 PM

Hey John,

I've done some reframing of songs too. Most often when I become aware that I've misunderstood lyrics for years on end. It is quite funny to realize I've been singing the wrong tune for years! And then, quite suddenly, the meaning has completely changed.

I'm too embarrassed to give examples, though I wouldn't be surprised if others have also done this, even with some of the same songs : ).

Ah, the rose colored glasses we all wear! Thanks for the reminder John.

Posted by Gerri at September 8, 2008 8:54 PM

I like deliberate re-framing or miss hearing of lyrics.

Hawkwind's Silver Machine has never sounded the same after a friend told me it sounds more like Sewing Machine - brings a whole new meaning to it.................

Posted by PaulH at September 9, 2008 2:14 AM

"Best of My Love" sung by The Emotions!

Song can be interpreted in many ways... just as "art" can be. We each see what we choose to. Let hope that we ach choose to "see" the best!!

Posted by Frances at September 9, 2008 2:20 AM

Peter, I’m not sure why you’d want to compare Celine Dion and Sarah McLachlan. Like comparing a Mercedes and a Prius. Two successful brands - and two artists in total command of their respective genres. Celine is more old-school chantreuse who interprets a variety of songs by famous songwriters in pretty dramatic fashion (similar in that way to Michael Bolton, though he writes many of his songs). Such performances are “over-the-top” for some listeners, but they communicate to others. Interestingly, there seems to be a surplus of hyper-talented songbirds from Canada besides Celine and Sarah, including Joni Mitchell (who broke the mold for so many singer/songwriters), Alanis Morissette, and, yes, even Avril Lavigne. All five are top notch at their craft — in radically different ways.

Paul, I’ve learned over the years to not assume someone is being untruthful unless I have some evidence for it. Your path may have taught you something different. I’ve never met Diane (I hope to at some point), but from what I’ve read about her her claim is entirely consistent with her outspoken personality. Such utterances from songwriters never surprise me anyway. Eccentricity is just part of the DNA. But she’s one of the best at what she does (pop songwriting).

Gerri, it’s always interesting to read lyrics to a song and discover how much of the lyric I’ve invented. Of course in the old days it was common for performing artists to sing lyrics that were different from what appeared on sanitized lyric sheets and sheet music.

PaulH, Sewing Machine would be a cool name for an electro-pop band.

Frances, I was baiting Trevor with “Best of My Love”—hoping he might expound on his love affair for Eagles, who sang “Best of My Love” 35 years ago. The Emotions of course recorded a dance song with the same title.

Posted by John O'Leary at September 9, 2008 3:53 PM

Hi John - As you know my friend I don't normally need a second invitation to talk about The Eagles but my well known love affair with the greatest band the US ever produced is old news for many on TP Blog. I can bore people all day and night with ‘Eagles’ talk!

Lets just say form is temporary class is permanent.... ‘Excellence’ for 36 years at the very top … even with a 14 year ‘vacation’ as Don Henley said when the boys split in 1980 or thereabouts...

Frances - Best of My Love is a real tear jerker - a song whose lyrics remind us all we've all ‘been there’ I guess.

Posted by Trevor Gay at September 9, 2008 4:11 PM

Trevor, you never bore me with Eagles talk - which belies a love that clearly transcends "helpless infatuation." :-) Ya got me thinking about your claim "the greatest band the US ever produced." I was about to protest but ALL the bands that immediately came to mind were, alas, Brit bands! I'll have to sleep on that one. I'll leave it to others to challenge your assertion!

Posted by John O'Leary at September 9, 2008 4:39 PM

nirvana is the greatest american band.

now what's the different between shifting the frame and wishful thinking?

Posted by Claudia at September 10, 2008 10:17 AM

Well, Claudia, it all depends, of course, on one's criteria for "greatest" - but there are many R&R critics who would share your point of view. I would certainly include Nirvana on a short list of great US bands. But my list of great Brit bands is a lot longer. (I can hear Trevor applauding.)

Re wishful thinking: when one is reframing an event, experience, etc. it doesn't work if it just doesn't "fit." This is related to Paul Watzlawick's belief (in his book "Invented Reality") that reality is something we construct but it's not a fanciful reality, it's not ANY reality. It's a reality that fits, that's functional with, the world "out there" that we can't fully know directly. I'm afraid I'm doing a disservice to his work but you can check it out yourself. (http://www.amazon.com/Invented-Reality-Believe-Contributions-Constructivism/dp/0393333477/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1221072800&sr=1-1)

I guess the ultimate test of an effective "reframe" is whether you're now ENGAGED. In a work context that means you put the event in a context that frees you up to take action.

Posted by John O'Leary at September 10, 2008 2:13 PM

And the best Brit band John? ... has to be The Kinks :-)

Posted by Trevor Gay at September 10, 2008 4:23 PM

Well after the Fab Four, Trevor, my list would certainly include the Kinks. Ray Davies is still going strong.

Posted by John O'Leary at September 10, 2008 9:01 PM

Fab Four!?!? Cmon - they were just a common Oasis ripoff :-)

Posted by PaulH at September 11, 2008 7:18 AM

Hi Paul .. Mmmm ... Let’s compare the two elite artists John Lennon and Liam Gallagher impartially and objectively. Looking a the two of them in 2008 I would say there is very little difference in the talent of the two of them ....but then again … John has been dead for almost 28 years … great exchange :-)

Posted by Trevor Gay at September 11, 2008 4:25 PM

OK John...I have been trying to restrain myself here. I am happy for Celine Dion that she has fans, but....I can't get past the first couple of bars. (and not the kind Matt works in) Just not my cup of tea..

Now on the Brit thing...can we expand that to include all the UK? Then you gotta have Van Morrison, Elvis Costello, and maybe Billy Bragg on that list. Am ok with the kinks....

OK...back to my new genius mix on the ipod....:)

Posted by Mike Neiss at September 11, 2008 6:33 PM

Mike, tho Mick J. once sang "It's the singer not the song," I believe it's the song not the singer. A great pop song (which, after close examination, I'm convinced "Because You Loved Me" is for many reasons) stands on its own merits and can withstand many different vocal interpretations.

Yeah, I was thinking of Brit bands not individual singers, but I suppose I should widen the geographic focus enough to include U2. Of course I'd include the Who and Stones on my short list.

I'll pass over the Oasis remark as an obvious jest. And John Lennon is a singularity in rock history.

Posted by John O'Leary at September 11, 2008 8:19 PM

gotta counter with bowie as well

Posted by Mike Neiss at September 11, 2008 8:33 PM how to buy viagra no prescription

Led Zepp for me

Posted by PaulH at September 12, 2008 1:49 AM

Well, they do say that music is tha language of the emotions, but the remarks here surely prove this. If I had a pound for every time I heard someone say 'he/she was good when she started, but they sold out after the 1st album' I'd be very rich.... :-))

Many of us want to 'possess' musicians and artists in a way that rarely crosses over into business... I have never heard people make the same remarks about a spreadsheet!! lol. Although I have heard similar comments about leaders and brands...

Anyway, since you mentioned two of my favourite artists, I cannot let the thread pass without mention of a couple of charity performances we did with a bunch of musicians who had never played in bands before. To make it an extremely audacious target, we dared to take on Hawkwind's 'Silver Machine', whom I witnessed at the age of 14 - life was never the same. Also The Kinks 'Waterloo Sunset'. Both were done in a local pub with low fi video recording, but very enjoyable nonetheless.

The Kinks - Waterloo Sunset http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gljGCO97ajU how to get viagra toronto

Hawkwind - Silver Machine http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kdkBO1Pl5HY&feature=user

And for pure amusement, Abba's Classic 'Take a Chance on me' redone as a Country and Western Hoedown - yeehah!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8oSQC3sdHCY

All the best

Peter Cook

Author: Sex, Leadership and Rock'n'Roll

online viagra purchase australia Posted by Peter Cook at September 12, 2008 6:24 AM

Thanks Peter for the reminder ... Waterloo Sunset was the first record I bought with my own money as - I would guess a 16 year old in 1968. The Kinks have remained my favourite British band ever since .... Ahhh memories ...

Posted by Trevor Gay at September 12, 2008 10:17 AM

Two fabulous quotes that relate to reframing that I should have included in my post...
Greek stoic Epictetus: “What disturbs men's mind is not events, but their interpretation of events.”
Psychiatrist and holocaust-survivor Viktor Frankl: “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our happiness.”

Posted by John O'Leary at September 12, 2008 7:43 PM

Hmm, 1st records, now there's a critical moment on our life stories....

For me it was Purple Haze by Jimi Hendrix. Swiftly followed by pooling our money with my brother to get Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band.

Peter

Posted by Peter Cook at September 14, 2008 4:24 AM

Peter - and if I recall correctly Waterloo Sunset was less than 10 bob (50p) ... Amazing..

Posted by Trevor Gay at September 14, 2008 5:20 AM

Trevor, probably 6s 8d (1/3 of £1 in pre-decimal money), which was the price of 45's for many golden years when labels like CBS, Decca, EMI and Parlophone were going strong, and the discs were then piled high on the spindle of a multi-changer Ecko record player in the bedroom.

I was also a solid Kinks fan, more as an opt-out from the contemporary Beatles-or-Stones default than anything else. Never saw them live though...

Posted by Rob at September 14, 2008 6:06 AM

John, I once attended a soul-searching management workshop where a facilitator, stepping out of role for a moment, said with emotion: "the trouble is not with the few people who give offence, it's with the vast numbers who take offence". Which for me, and most of us there, was the first time that distinction had been put so clearly.

Posted by Rob at September 14, 2008 6:12 AM

Rob: FABULOUS insight, which makes the same point from a different angle. Few of us realize - at least in the day to day rush of life - that we are continually constructing (or co-creating, as some would say) our reality. We have CHOICES in how to interpret and respond to things (except in those rare times when we're actually traumatized by events). Nice blog, by the way.

Peter, Trevor, Rob: if I remember correctly, my first records were:
1. Sweet Little 16 by Chuck Berry
2. Penny Loafers & Bobby Sox by Joe Bennett & the Sparkletones
3. Good Golly, Miss Molly by Little Richard
4. Peggy Sue by Buddy Holly
5. some song I can't remember by Johnny Otis
While 8 or 9 years old I was a ravenous rock & roll fan and mourned the death of early rock in 1959 when Buddy died. But when I heard the rhythm guitar sound on "I Want to Hold Your Hand" the day after Christmas, 1963, I knew R&R was back. It was an out-of-body experience for me. Speaking of time travels, Pete Best and his band are playing not far away in Maynard, Massachusetts in a few hours!

Posted by John O'Leary at September 14, 2008 9:44 AM viagra for free trial

Hi Rob - I suspect my love for The Kinks was like you an attempt to be ‘different’ whilst all my mates were Beatles or Stones followers. I was more a ‘John Lennon fan’ than a ‘Beatles’ fan. Now you mention it 6s 8d does ring a bell!

John – a great song list – I remember buying a lot of Tamla Motown records around that time too including the great Jimmy Ruffin tracks ‘What Becomes of the Broken Hearted’ and ‘I’ll Say Forever My Love.’ I read recently that Jimmy was not as popular in his home country, the US, as he was over here in Britain.

Pete Best was by most accounts a better drummer technically than Ringo – I didn’t realise he was still alive never mind still touring! Sometimes he must wonder what might have been …..

Posted by Trevor Gay at September 14, 2008 2:05 PM

I interviewed Pete Best last year and blogged about it here: http://www.tompeters.com/blogs/main/009855.phpand
The interview itself is on my own site: http://rockandrolllessons.blogspot.com/2007_08_01_archive.html
Nicest guy you'd ever want to meet - approachable and humble. And no bitterness for how he was treated. (Epstein fired him, not the Beatles, and he never spoke with any of them since that day.) Not their finest hour.

Posted by John O'Leary at September 14, 2008 8:30 PM

John,love the blog! Keep on truckin'.

Posted by Rob at September 15, 2008 11:07 AM

Trevor, I think it was less about being "different" and more about avoiding being cornered by that either-or choice. Beatles or Stones was a sort of all-in tribal categorisation. It was the same with football: if you grew up in Glasgow you HAD to support Rangers or Celtic, in Edinburgh Hearts or Hibs. Not being very good at tribal, I could escape the issue of sides by opting for the Kinks instead. Oh, and Dunfermline Athletic...sigh.

Posted by Rob at September 16, 2008 1:19 AM

Rob - you’ve reminded me of one time in the playground as a nervous 11 year old at my new secondary school in 1964. All of us first years were lined in rows to go to lunch - one of those never to be forgotten long lines in the playground! A couple of the 15 year old ‘hard nuts’ came down every line asking all of us in turn a question. The first one asked ‘I’m a Mod are you are Rocker?’ … the right answer was ‘I’m a Mod’ unless you wanted a clip round the ear.

generic viagra online canadian pharmacy

However his mate, immediately behind him, was asking ‘I’m a Rocker are you a Mod?’ …. A case of heads you win tails you lose.

Wish I had your insight then - I suppose I could have tried ‘Neither actually - I support Dunfermline’ :)

By the way just in case anyone is worried about this being school bullying – I later found out, it was a bit of a school ritual welcoming initiation for new and very nervous pupils. Don’t think it did me any harm though and when 100 or so of us all got the clip it didn’t seem so painful somehow.

By the way Rob I’m a Man United fan just in case you are the only person left in the world who doesn’t know that.

Posted by Trevor Gay at September 16, 2008 4:22 AM

Help! Another thread is being hijacked by crazed Brit football fans!

Posted by John O'Leary at September 16, 2008 12:50 PM

Mea culpa. I should have known that any reference to football would set Trevor off again. Nurse, the pills!

Posted by Rob at September 17, 2008 12:24 AM