Comments

I'd say the title of the Kador book is somewhat ill-chosen, actually. The whole point of a rapid and sincere apology is that it immediately puts you alongside the other person, not on opposite sides of anything. So metaphorical fences and bridges are no longer in play and don't have to be rebuilt or mended.

Posted by RobCH at April 23, 2009 5:20 AM

Tom,

There is no substitute for the proper handling of customer complaints. As I see it, there may be 100 companies building, selling, servicing, or training people on the use of the same widget. If that's the case, then where is the opportunity to stand out from the crowd? It lies in resolving customer complaints and problems. If you do business with any customer on even a semi-regular basis, problems will arise somewhere. Yes, you try first to avoid them occurring. But when they do, you should view it as an opportunity to shine where so many competitors fail.

Back in 1986 I was flown to Houston for a week of factory training with Compaq Computer Corporation by a chain of computer dealerships. But we actually spent a major chunk of our week in a course on handling customer problems. The material for the course was developed by Xerox, and it remains in my library to this day, although it's a bit worn. The central theme of that whole week and all the training and materials was simply turning problems into positive, memorable events. Even some of the most irate customers can be converted into what Ken Blanchard calls "Raving Fans" if you handle the situation well. Not all of them. But more than enough to have significant impact than falls all the way to the bottom line in time.

"Irate customer," or "opportunity?"

The customer is usually not the one choosing between the two possibilities.

I remember one of the few times (years ago) that you said something I found a bit hard to believe. You had talked about how Ritz Carlton authorizes their employees, up front, to spend (I believe the number was/is) up to $2,500 on the spot -- without having to go and get it approved -- to solve a customer problem. I found that hard to believe. So I checked it out for myself.

I called the Manager of the Atlanta Ritz Carlton and asked straight up. I was told in no uncertain terms that this was the case. But then I was also told with a voice that spoke of real company pride "But it never happens. It doesn't have to." Empowerment is crucial. Teach your people the importance of handling complaints to the delight of the customer and give them what they need to do it. A lot of companies TALK customer service. A rare few actually live it.

By the way, that same Ritz Carlton manager sent me a stack of their Credo cards. I still keep one in my organizer to this very day. I recently shot a video for a local hotel/conference center. When I was greeted by the Hostess at the front desk and told her I was there to meet with the hotel's Manager, she very cheerfully walked out from behind the desk and escorted me to his office. She didn't "point" me to the office (literally a few feet away), she took me there. Shortly after he and I introduced ourselves and shook hands, I commended him and his staff, and mentioned my wonderful first impression. I specifically mentioned my love for the Ritz Carlton way of doing things. Guess what he did? He reached in his shirt pocket and produced a Ritz Carlton Credo card. I produced mine from my organizer.

There was nothing more that needed to be said. We had a wonderful day of filming.

Posted by Dan Gunter at April 23, 2009 6:45 AM

P.S.

Every business could benefit exponentially from what you are stressing here, Tom. But I have seen no industry/business that could benefit more than health care. More malpractice suits begin over a ticked off patient (from being treated with indifference, usually) than begin with true "medical errors." In our litigious society, medical providers as scared to death of apologies ("ADMIT we screwed up? No way! They'll use it in court.") They try to put a band-aid over the problem as quietly as possible, as though nobody will notice.

I've heard of a FEW hospitals that have experimented with a different approach -- and it worked fabulously: admit you screwed up, apologize, and fix the problem to the patient's satisfaction. Number of actual lawsuits went down. WAY down. I wonder just how much time and money went into creating this novel solution? Give me a break.

I think the average, well raised 10 year old could tell you that when you screw up you should apologize and make things right.

Exactly where in the process of becoming so "educated" do we toss that aside? I certainly never signed up for a course called "CYA 101."

Posted by Dan Gunter at April 23, 2009 7:30 AM

Effective Apology Based Upon Experience Rule #1: NEVER follow "I'm sorry" with "but..." Customer immediately understands they you are indeed not sorry at all and are merely attempting to move the blame for the problem to someone else or to a policy, rule, procedure, etc.

Effective Aplogy Based Upon Experience Rule #2: NEVER follow your apology with a littany of how rotten a day you have had, how badly your computer system sucks wind, how screwed up things are "around here," or any other naked attempt to make the customer feel sorry for YOU.

Regarding hotel room windows: That's great--until a two-year-old goes tumbling out that wide open window and the grieving parents end up owning your hotel, or at least the part their lawyers don't own.

Posted by Useless Sam Grant at April 23, 2009 8:04 AM

Sam,

Thanks for your comment. Rule #1 is important because all too often people sense that the ONLY thing you're really sorry about is getting "caught," so to speak.

And they don't want "excuses." They want and need "solutions."

Great points, Sam!

Posted by Dan Gunter at April 23, 2009 8:14 AM

We had a serious outage issue with our web-hosted service early this month and late last month, and it affected several of our customers. We issued a formal apology - explained what happened, what we did to fix the problem and if they wanted a partial or full refund to let us know a week later. We have gotten nothing but kind and supportive words in response so far.

Posted by jb at April 23, 2009 9:22 AM

1) Amen.

2) Always remember that an insincere apology is just bad PR. An apology encompasses many things, but empathy, remorse, and responsibility are key.

3) If your two year old falls out of the window, then you shouldn't have opened the window. The true tragedy should be met with a sincere apology.

Posted by Ben at April 23, 2009 10:57 AM

There are several businesses that have retained me as a customer only because of: (1) an apology (sometimes more than one); and (2) a simple gift, rebate, etc. to get back in my good graces. They have received tens of thousands of dollars of my business over the years as a result of these inexpensive acts.

Posted by John O'Leary at April 23, 2009 2:00 PM

Dealing with a customer who sometimes likes to bend the rules and is someone I feel I have to push back a bit or they will take advantage.

Pushed back too much yesterday, realized it, and called back to apologize. The customer ended up apologizing to me for his handling of the matter as well and we both left as friends.

Bottom line, he placed a fairly large, unexpected order within an hour of the apology. Sometimes the "right" thing has monetary rewards as well (although that was not my intent).

Posted by Neil Connolly at April 23, 2009 2:07 PM

Hi Tom,

Earlier in April I have blogged about this aspect as well and John Kador surfed in to underscore that post. The funny thing is that I got the idea of this post from another book that I picked up on this website (The Manager’s Book of Decencies, by Stephen Harrison.)

The post is titled "The Anatomy of an Apology". Here is the link: http://www.reply-mc.com/2009/04/04/the-anatomy-of-an-apology/

I welcome your comments as well.

Kind regards,
Luc.

Posted by Luc Galoppin at April 23, 2009 2:58 PM

“Any comments on your experience with apologies?”

Tom – over 15 years ago I worked very closely with a patient who lived with a degenerative illness adversely affecting his circulation. The patient had been told by his surgeon that he would lose both legs over time through surgical amputation as the disease progressed. Due to an alarming error the more healthy leg of the two legs was amputated which meant he had to lose both legs earlier than anticipated. This of course required him to be wheelchair bound. The patient explained to me how the error had occurred and I asked what he thought about it. I was absolutely gobsmacked when he told me how highly he regarded his surgeon for telling him the truth up front and honestly. He had forgiven the mistake and had never even considered suing the surgeon because the surgeon had been honest with him and had apologised.

Also during my healthcare career I was a complaints manager for 2 years. I estimate that 90% (totally subjective guess) of complaints were about communication rather than technical issues. In my opinion most of those 90% could have been prevented reaching my desk if someone had apologised earlier. (BTW – that’s not to say we should not learn as an organisation from comments/niggles/complaints)

Posted by Trevor Gay at April 23, 2009 5:15 PM

Trevor,

Well put. If anything, your "guesstimate" would be too low, in my humble opinion. As a Risk Manager/CQI Director, I made it a point to talk with every patient who lodged any sort of complaint. The staff was usually honest enough to document every complaint (I know there were exceptions), often "biting the bullet," as the complaint might well be against them. With very few (and I can not emphasize the word "few" strongly enough) exceptions, after hearing the patient's or family member's initial complaint, a little open dialog and careful listening would surface an underlying issue. Usually it was not technical, it was a "courtesy" or "respect" issue.

Let's face it, hospitals -- typically -- are not the most pleasant places to be because the patient is not having the best day of their life (else they wouldn't be there.) But throw in an inappropriate remark, hasty tone, or indifference on the part of just one hospital staff member and the typical patient/family member instantly gets their guard up. At that point, you could go out and wash and wax their car, paint and roof their house, and hand them the winning MegaMillions lottery ticket and you'll still be considered a jerk at best. It's sort of a twist on the psychological notion that if you believe something strongly, you'll manifest the evidence to prove it. Only in this case, the patient/family member will look at everything you do under a microscope and find (or at least perceive something they feel) is wrong.

On the other hand, I've seen patients put up with long waits, lousy food, hot or cold rooms, dingy linens, poor TV reception, delayed procedures, inexperienced phlebotomists "sticking them" more than once... you name it, and speak highly of the quality of care and everything else... IF and WHEN they feel as though the staff is being honest with them, respectful, courteous, and keeping them informed.

It ain't rocket science. If anything, it's the "Golden Rule." And it's worth more than its weight in gold. I guess we all too easily fail to think "How would I feel and how would I want to be treated?" if the shoe was on the other foot.

It all applies whether you're talking about a hospital, a hotel, a restaurant, a theme park... any type of "people" business. And sooner or later you have to realize that there ultimately is no business that isn't about people.

Posted by Dan Gunter at April 23, 2009 6:01 PM

“And sooner or later you have to realize that there ultimately is no business that isn't about people.” - That’s brilliant Dan

On this topic I remember my friend Phil who is a family doctor (General Practitioner) here in England. At one time a few years ago he had a waiting time for patients to see him of 14/15 days whilst his 3 partners could be seen within 2 or 3 days. It was simply and only that patients liked him. Phil was the first to admit he was NOT a better doctor. In fact 2 of his partners were younger, more recently qualified and according to Phil, ‘probably better qualified!!’ It’s just that people were prepared to wait to see the doctor of their choice. Says a lot.

Dan - you are so right about ‘people’ …. I’ve heard Tom say on more than one occasion that if people are not top of your agenda at every meeting you just don’t get it – Amen to that!

Technology may rule but people will always rule technology.

Posted by Trevor Gay at April 24, 2009 4:08 AM

Trevor,

Sorry for veering slightly off topic (count the first word of this sentence as the tie-in), but I wanted to take a quick moment to wish you and your wife the best of luck during this Sunday's marathon.

Cole

Posted by Cole Coconino II at April 24, 2009 1:27 PM

..except that I fell for the whole "sorry...but" routine in the foregoing posting. Sorry for that too.

Cole

Posted by Cole Coconino II at April 24, 2009 1:29 PM

generic viagra usa canada Hi Cole and thanks for those kind words that are much appreciated. It's only 36 hours away now and we are hopefully properly prepared. We have stuck to a 24 training programme so fingers crossed!

Best

Trevor

Posted by Trevor Gay at April 24, 2009 2:29 PM

24 week training programme that is :-)

Posted by Trevor Gay at April 24, 2009 2:45 PM

Solicitation sometimes sucks such as the self- satifisfying search of said state.

Posted by Judith Ellis at April 24, 2009 3:55 PM

This is a most important post. It reminds me of the stories my friend whose an executive engineer tells me when dealing with foreign engineers namely Asians who would rather die than admit failure or apologize. He seems to think that in this culture saving face is most important, even if it means errors in the long run. But, of course, in the long run the cost of errors in such situations can be significant. They are great engineers he has said and it just has taken him longer in this regard to train them to accept responsibility and admit failure.

I am also reminded of something my mother told us often, "never let the sun go down on your wrath." For me, this meant sometimes sitting up for hours pondering my reaction to siblings and realizing that it was I who needed to apologize, even if they didn't. It would be 2:00 in the morning on a school day and I would not apologize OR sleep. They too had done and said things that they shouldn't have I reasoned. Why should I apologize only? But I often found myself in their rooms in the wee hours of the morning asking for forgiveness. I would kiss them on the cheek each time. My mother would have us do this even after a heated disagreement.

My siblings were ALWAYS kind and responded well to my waking them up. But it's funny. Many times they owed me an apology but they were often sound asleep. That was Ok. I just couldn't have such on my consciousness and sleep peacefully. Over the years I practiced getting my emotions in control and also readily asking for forgiveness when it was necessary for me to do. I even did so when it wasn't necessary. Practice doesn't make perfect, but it makes better.

Apologize! Just do it! It makes the difference for you and them, even if it doesn't seem so at the moment.

Thanks, TP, for the post.

Posted by Judith Ellis at April 24, 2009 9:08 PM

Judith,

Have you ever read Lincoln's "forgiveness scroll," as it is often referred to? If not, it's definitely worth reading. Yes, just a tad bit off-topic for this blog (sorry, everyone) but it is such a poignant treatment on the art of forgiving others (even if they don't KNOW they've been forgiven) and on forgiving without feeling like the other person must be worthy of or asking for forgiveness. If you're interested in reading it, here's a link to a copy I found online:

http://scott.hayes.org/thoughts/forgiving_spirit.html

Posted by Dan Gunter at April 25, 2009 12:11 AM

Dan - I have not but thank you. Thanks for the link too.

Regarding off topic stuff, that is sometimes the the case and FOR ME me many times it's appreciated. Perhaps it's also a bit annoying when such things are of the personal nature and would be perhaps better said on their own blogs.

I really do wish Trevor success on his run. But PERSONALLY if I cared to follow his progress I would drop into his blog and read about it there. But I don't so I haven't. But it seems that we are all but required to do so here.

Posted by Judith Ellis at April 25, 2009 8:07 AM

"I will greet this day with a forgiving spirit."

--Abraham Lincoln

The words there are powerful, Dan. Thanks again.

Posted by Judith Ellis at April 25, 2009 8:11 AM

The author of Effective Apology reponds: I appreciate Tom's recognition of apology as a marker of strategic competence.

The task set before apology is impossible. No apology can undo the damage of hurtful actions or words. Yet, somehow, under the right circumstances, it often manages to do just that. But a good outcome is neither easy nor guaranteed. That's what makes apologizing excruciating for so many people. As offenders, we have to work through our resistance to showing our vulnerability. And finally, here's my response to the first comment, in which my choice of subtitle (Mending Fences, Building Bridges, Restoring Trust) is questioned. A "rapid and sincere apology" does not "immediately put you alongside the other person." The offender has work to do and it can take hours, days, weeks, or even longer for the relationship to be repaired.

Sometimes, when the offense had to do with a boundary violation, the appropriate fences that the offender breached has to be restored for the relationship to continue.

Posted by John Kador at April 26, 2009 10:06 AM

Kind sir,

Your words, "Sometimes, when the offense had to do with a boundary violation, the appropriate fences that the offender breached has to be restored for the relationship to continue" are so accurate. Be they boundaries in business, international relations, or a marriage. Boundary issues can be the hardest to deal with. Given our culture of e-mails and virtual interactions, those boundaries can be very difficult to perceive. Nonetheless they still exist, especially in the mind and experience of the one who feels offended.

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Our mindsets don't always evolve and transform at the same pace as technology. What I see as "grey area" might be very distinctly black and white to the other person.

Enjoyed your comments.

Posted by Dan Gunter at April 26, 2009 3:16 PM

Point taken John, and thank you. I agree. If the act of apology alone itself is assumed to do all the work then of course it is unlikely to build/rebuild a strong relationship. My intended (very non-expert) point was that a sincere apology signals immediately that the apologiser is not building defensive barriers, wants to engage and appreciates the point of view of the apologisee(?), so is not confronting or in opposition, and hence is "alongside". Without the apology, rebuilding the relationship will take longer or not really happen. I think the success of apologies to customers has a lot to do with their capacity to create a powerful moment where the company is not "against" the customer. The challenge is to make the moment last, which as you say takes effort.

Posted by RobCH at April 27, 2009 12:58 AM

RobCH,

Very insightful comments. I especially agree with the idea of letting the other person/party know that you wish to stand "alongside" them. A lot of discussions and material on the subject of customer complaints talks about "empathy" and listening from that perspective. I believe that every one of us can somehow reach even deeper than that and truly be "sympathetic" to the other person's feelings. We have all been wronged by others before in some fashion. If we will think about that -- and how it really made US feel -- before making our apology, we will be much more likely to truly stand "alongside" the other person. Not to put on an act for the purpose of simply saving face, but to bring ourselves into what I think is a more appropriate frame of mind for dealing with the task at hand.

There's a big difference between getting real and just trying to get out of a bad situation.

Posted by Dan Gunter at April 27, 2009 6:54 AM

“Solicitation sometimes sucks such as the self - satifisfing search of said state.”

“I really do wish Trevor success on his run. But PERSONALLY if I cared to follow his progress I would drop into his blog and read about it there. But I don't so I haven't. But it seems that we are all but required to do so here.”

Judith – No one is ‘all but required’ to visit my Blog - I was answering Cole’s comment – I did not raise our marathon run. A shame indeed that it seems to upset you so much.

canadian pharmacy viagra for cheap Posted by Trevor Gay at April 27, 2009 12:05 PM

"Somebody owes me an apology."

-- Olive's Dad, in "Popeye" (the movie.)

Wisdom can oft be found in the seemingly unlikeliest of places.

Posted by Dan Gunter at April 27, 2009 1:09 PM

Trevor - There is never any shame in my game. I think you did, however, get my point--well, maybe not entirely. The reading requirement had nothing to do with your blog, but with this one as a fellow commentator. Do read the statement again.

Posted by Judith Ellis at April 27, 2009 1:09 PM

Judith - You will be delighted to know we completed the London Marathon yesterday – it was brilliant. We really enjoyed it. Lots of happy, smiling people; hundreds of thousands of spectators; 36,000 participants – all having fun. Millions of pounds were yet again raised for charities. It was terrific just to be a small part of it. Whilst I know you are not interested, some regular visitors to this Blog just may be. I like to spread good news – I’m sure Tom won’t mind. So that I don’t upset you by publicising my own Blog I am giving the link below to the official London Marathon website: http://www.london-marathon.co.uk/site/

Posted by Trevor Gay at April 27, 2009 2:29 PM

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our cool friend duo of jackie huba and ben mcconnell point us at what they say is their favorite video apology. http://is.gd/uWsi

Posted by erik at April 27, 2009 2:38 PM

Cool, erik! Thanks!

Posted by Judith Ellis at April 27, 2009 3:03 PM

By the way, the best apology I received from Domino's was in college with the gang praying that after we ordered mulitiple pizzas that they would be late, even by one minute. The pizzas were then free. Believe me, this was the BEST APOLOGY as broke college students. Apologetic words are necessary and important, but actions are often so much better than words.

Domino's was founded in Michigan and its founder Tom Monaghan is a great man and philantrophist. He is the anthithesis of the greedy CEO that we have been reading so much about lately. While we prayed for free pizzas as college students there was something intrinsic in the apology that was appreciated.

We were way happy then for the free pizza which got us to exclusively order from Domino's, even though they were more on time than not. But now I understand that this was the basis of Domino's core business, one of appreciation through excellence and apologies when necessary.

Bravo Mr. Monaghan and thank you!

Posted by Judith Ellis at April 27, 2009 3:26 PM

Look not lightly at their face and then into their eyes.

Posted by jimjam at May 1, 2009 11:18 PM

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Hi Tom
One of the first questions I ask of any manager or indeed person joining our company is "can they say sorry".
It shows that they can learn and grow, as well as not keep digging when they get it wrong. As Kiwi's we are good apologisers, I think that the Canadians may well be world champs tho.
Cheers Ben

Posted by Ben Ridler at May 3, 2009 11:54 PM

It was one of the lessons taught by Dale Carnegie...Say you're sorry immediately.

Posted by Mike Wadley at May 10, 2009 10:59 PM