Comments

I like the idea of never being cynical about our own work, people, customers and projects. That was yours wasn't it? Rings true now more than ever.

Posted by David Porter at June 29, 2009 6:45 PM

I struggle with this especially as I am working to build my own business. I struggle when I see people who refuse to be open minded to see how many points of view can be beneficial to successful growth and realize it is also scary for many people.

Posted by Christopher Kijowski at June 29, 2009 10:35 PM

And, of course, as TP has told us elsewhere, don't trashtalk your competitors. Saying truthfully nice things about our competitors increases our credibility when saying nice things about ourselves.

Posted by Mike L. at June 29, 2009 10:38 PM

What really gets under my skin are businesses (and individuals) who seem to think that the only way to elevate themselves is to belittle others. It's one thing to say "I don't like the way so-and-so does..." and explain WHY you feel different and WHAT you do differently, if that's necessary in the context of understanding in the business (or personal) relationship. But to merely "confess the sins" of another for the purpose of knocking them down and hoping that it makes you better by comparison (often without any evidence of actually BEING better) only leaves people with a bad impression of you.

You just THINK you're giving them a bad impression of the other person or company. The negativity tends to land a little closer to home.

Posted by Dan Gunter at June 30, 2009 7:11 AM

Lots of evidence near to hand that this is easier said than done...

Posted by RobCH at June 30, 2009 11:06 AM

RobCH, definitely can not argue with that.

Posted by Dan Gunter at June 30, 2009 2:01 PM

RobCH (Dan): Sorta disagree. Maybe it's because I'm a pessimist. Hence any lost speech/Client (whatever) is lost because ... I BEAT MYSELF. I'll badmouth me at the drop of a hat--but not "them."

(I failed the Marty Seigman "learned optimism" exam!)

Posted by tom peters at June 30, 2009 3:42 PM

Think about it. Why would you ever "vent" to anyone? Are you trying to persuade someone to take an action? If not, don't do it. Venting is often just a bad habit, kind of like overeating, and it is a habit you can break. I was very sarcastic in my youth. It is one way I handled stress. Once I realized that it served no purpose but to make me feel better (huh?), I was able to - slowly - stop doing it.

Posted by Bruce Benson at June 30, 2009 5:35 PM

Tom, I think almost all of us with any sort of artistic bent deal with the problem of on the one hand wanting to be appreciated (thus, not liking other people putting our work down) while on the other hand constantly belittling our own stuff (we tend to be our own worst critics.) Shifting from a work to personal perspective, my Wife-to-be says I am WAY too hard on myself where she is concerned. She calls me "Mr. Technical," and a perfectionist and reminds me (usually unsuccessfully) to lighten up on myself. But that same sort of personality trait almost unfailingly spills over into our attitudes about our work. There are those of us who are never satisfied. "If it's good enough today," I think to myself "Why not make it better tomorrow?" And I end up finding all the imperfections in today's version. Including today's version of myself.

From the standpoint of innovation, I suppose that's a good personality trait to have. But it can drive others nuts sometimes.

Posted by Dan Gunter at June 30, 2009 7:29 PM

Tom, sorta disagreement is good... I would describe myself as an optimist in need of a new paint job. I still tend to expect the best from life's commute, but I have accumulated plenty of dings and scrapes from real-world traffic. Some of them arising from the experience that many people talk good behaviour (like Speak No Evil) but far fewer actually live it for real, myself very much included.

Alice Roosevelt's "If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me" rings just a little too true as a comment on human nature.

Posted by RobCH at July 1, 2009 1:06 AM

"Never curse the king even in your thoughts; nor the rich man, either; for a little bird will tell them what you said."

Ecc 10:20

The interesting thing here is not the element of necessary challenge, this was done often in scripture, but of wishing ill (cursing) that is rarely forgotten or ignored. Another interesting thing is that our ill thoughts reveal themselves not only in the mouths of others but through our very own thoughts. The "little bird" is not only others but our own consciousness revealed in our words.

Posted by Judith Ellis at July 1, 2009 5:30 AM

RobCH, I might upon occasion be inclined to disagree with you--but NEVER Alice Roosevelt!

(Funny olde world: Last night Susan and I watched [Oscar Wilde's] "The Importance of Being Earnest." Ah, Mr wilde ...)

Posted by tom peters at July 1, 2009 8:27 AM

Ah, Mr. Wilde...indeed! Absolutely LOVE him!

Posted by Judith Ellis at July 1, 2009 9:32 AM

A great example of my point above is TP's post, "I Do Not Wish Them Harm," which began and ended (practically the same)beautifully:

"I do not wish Barclays PLC president Robert Diamond harm. Nor do I wish BlackRock chairman Laurence Fink harm. Short of that, I surely do not wish them well."

I immediately responded, being moved by the beauty of separating bad policy from people, from cursing or wishing them harm:

"The opening paragraph is BRILLIANT! Now, I shall read the rest."

Someone else wrote, anonymously, of course, that they wished harm and it was unsettling:

"Tom, unlike you, I wish them harm and lots of it. I also wish someone would kick them in the balls just because they deserve it."

TP calls them "pathetic saps" and "sorry bastards."

Christ too had some choice words for those who taught the Law but did not do it, WHO AS A PRACTICE "cleanse the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of extortion and self-indulgence."

He says of them:

"You serpents, you brood of vipers, how can you escape the condemnation of hell?" (Personally, I am not altogether convince that hell is a physical place. In fact, I am more inclined to think that it is not.)

Now, if anyone thinks that I am deifying TP, think again. But on second thought "you are gods." This includes you. :-)

Words matter and what I learn through TP's many words here and in his many books is that it is just fine to rant but it is most important how it is done and for what purpose. The letter of the law matters but the spirit of the law matters too.

Posted by Judith Ellis at July 1, 2009 10:35 AM

A while ago I realized that 'not getting it' goes both ways. A customer who doesn't understand me is often someone I have yet to understand. Otherwise, I would be able to speak to what they need rather than what I've got.

Posted by Fred H Schlegel at July 1, 2009 11:22 AM

Oh, that is so beautiful, Fred. Thank you.

Posted by Judith Ellis at July 1, 2009 11:24 AM

"A customer who doesn't understand me is often someone I have yet to understand. Otherwise, I would be able to speak to what they need rather than what I've got."

Fred: I second Judith's comment! Oh soooooo sweet--I feel a Slide coming on, and you will be cited as author!

Posted by tom peters at July 1, 2009 1:56 PM