Comments

What's that they say, treatment without diagnosis is malpractice?

Listen to everybody, listen to what they are saying, equally important...listen for what they aren't saying. Listen attentively. Listen respectfully. Listen actively. Listening builds relationships. Listening builds knowledge. Listening builds trust and credibility. Listening increases our capacity to be excellent. If you have never listened to Tom before, "listen" to this and "hear" what he is saying! That's the next level of listening! Hearing what is being said means you understand what you are listening to. You validate it by asking questions, paraphrase and repeat it back to make sure you "get" the message and see the "value" in what you are listening to. Listening is indeed a performance, poductivity, and profitability multiplier when done strategically!

Posted by Dave Wheeler at December 7, 2009 9:03 PM

Fantastic Tom - thank you. We all need to give our folks a good listening to!

I work with doctors on communication in the consultation setting and agree wholeheartedly with the research you quote on 18 seconds. Anecdotally (I could probably find the hard researched evidence if I looked hard enough)I suggest the most effective doctors acquire the skill and the patience to listen longer without interrupting. That way the patient is enabled to tell their story and the most effective use is made of the time together between patient and doctor. Hearing is a function of the ear and listening is a function of the brain was how a nurse friend once summarised it for me.

Posted by Trevor Gay at December 7, 2009 9:27 PM

Hit the nail on the head with this Tom.

The sad fact is that until we reward people for this and other key skills it will continue to be the loudest who rule the roost. In more cynical moments I think job adverts should have at the bottom "Empaths and Thinkers need not apply."

Despite my view that listening is as much about attitude than skill - I glad you raised the topic of training (MBAs anyway) - so where do you learn the skills of listening? after all most management training in this area is how to get your point across not to listen.

My path was to take a coaching course - it's taken me a couple of years part time to get a diploma but it was a real eye opener into the deeper discipline of listening. It's probably the best (only?)training for this area available.

Above all that - real listening takes strength of character, self assurance and humility.

Posted by PaulH at December 8, 2009 2:30 AM

Good one.

No-one ever teaches you about listening, they're too busy telling you about business plans and board meetings (yawn).

Hands-up. I was bad at listening, I was an 18 second guy. My boss was bad at listening too.

We all need to get better.

Posted by Ian Sanders at December 8, 2009 5:16 AM

Tom – Thank you for this. I love it. Strategic listening is a beautiful activity. (Do we even think of listening as an activity? Is it often passively thought of?) So much can be accomplished. Yesterday I had a conversation with a customer rep. with my cable company. I was annoyed with paying such high bills for a business line, home line, fax line, wireless router, cable, etc. (I don't even use my home phone really. My BlackBerry suffices.) I called with the distinct mindset that they had to offer me a better deal or I would cancel the service altogether. The only way she could figure this out was by listening.

The conversation went something like this:

ME: Hey, I'm really tired of paying such high cable bills every month. What can I do to lower my bill?
HER: Let's see...
ME: Do you have other bundled packages at a better rate?
HER: Let's see...
(While she pulled up my account, I made the following comment.)
ME: This bill is like paying a car note, eh?
HER: Well, that depends if you have a Toyota or Bentley.
(That was a "smart" reply, although the quip didn't endear me to this rep. who could have affected my relationship with this company. I was already annoyed. The car wasn't the issue but lowering my bill was. I thought the analogy was obvious, but perhaps not. I felt as if she wasn't listening to me, as if she didn't "hear" my concern. I came at the same analogy in another way to see if she would hear me as the customer, the way in which I saw it and better adapt to my concern.)
ME: If I'm calling you about lowering a cable bill, would the car I referenced be more likely to be a Toyota or a Bentley? (Such a "smart" girl would be able to answer that.)
HER: I wouldn't know. She responded snidely, waxing dumb.
ME: So why the quip?
HER: How can I help you? She insisted as if to realign me.
ME: You may help me by transferring me to another agent.
HER: Ma'am, (Suddenly, I earned a title) I can help you.
ME: Ma'am (Suddenly, I returned the reverence.) I do not wish help from you. Transfer me, please.
(I waited patiently for 10 minutes. Then she returned.)
HER: Ma'am, are you still there? (Hint. Hint.)
ME: Most certainly. (I rarely hang up in such cases.) Why haven't you transferred me?
HER: Because I would like to help you, if you will allow me to. Can we start again?
(At least she was honest and a bit more humble. I wished to help her, if I could. I also wished to be helped. Is this, in essence, the strategic listening? Rapport? I heard her concern and I think she finally heard mine, the basis for which may have been her concern of being written up. Whatever the case, I appreciated her words and tone.)
ME: We may.
HER: Thank you. I didn't mean to offend you.
ME: No problem. I would like to reduce my bill. I can't justify paying this amount every single month. Do you have a better plan? I don't really need a home phone.
HER: It will be my pleasure. May I call you Judith?
ME: You may.
(It turned out that there were fees associated with my account that should not have been there and some fees could be reduced substantially. I had her go through every single fee. I got rid of my home phone. No one calls me on it.)
HER: I am happy we went through this because you should not have been paying a number of these fees with your package. We will credit your account.
ME: Thank you.
HER: No, thank you. Here is your confirmation number that on this date changes were made to your account and you can expect a credit. It's been a pleasure to assist you.
ME: Have a good evening.
HER: You too.

While the conversation ended well, I felt that by her initial quip about the Toyota versus the Bentley and her tone and attitude in general that she was not strategically listening to me, that she really didn't care. All I wanted was assistance in reducing my bill. Had she not answered the question, which was more rhetorical anyway, that would have been fine. Or, she could have said something like, "I understand. We'll see how we can best assist you." This would have helped. But she responded in a way that did not allay my concern, but instead ticked me off a bit. Perhaps she had many other calls to deal with. But I did ask her this question as she aws pulling up my account.

The next step of going through the bill line by line may not have even been reached without both of us listening to each other. We got passed that first hump; her attitude and tone changed completely and I adapted to the change and didn't dwell on the car analogy. This was good. I did wonder, however, if the change would have occurred if I had not outright called her out. As a customer, I refused to be denied. She had to hear my concern and on some miniscule level accept where I was and who I am or someone would. Everybody is different and responds differently. There must be basics of listening, especially in customer service. This is, after all, respect and basic common sense for customer retention.

Strategic listening seems akin to coming outside of ourselves, not that this is ever fully possible, but it's the effort that matters and is felt. By doing so, we hear the voice of others outside of our familiarity, our way of thinking, our emotions, etc., in order to identify others’ state of being or reasoning, their emotions, knowledge, skill, etc. Identifying these often goes well beyond words to inflection and non-verbal cues if face to face.

For best outcomes and understanding, strategic listening is a two-way street. Love and concern also play an important role, versus pride and arrogance, the modus operandi of negative ego. I try, although not always successfully, to manage the negativity of an unhealthy ego at any one time or another based on any one conversation or other. An unhealthy ego in any situation never produces good results. (My mom used to say that if we were not actively fighting an unhealthy ego, as it is so easy to get offended or to exert our position over others by not actively listening, it was wining and not to our advantage.) It seems to me that the best result should guide our strategic listening. Strategic listening seems best described as respect for others, a kind of care. The strategy is fundamental.

I like this "Little Big Things Video Series." Thank you, Tom. I eagerly await the book.

Posted by Judith Ellis at December 8, 2009 2:54 PM

Dear Shelley, I have a question for you and Tom: Is it "a commitment to strategic listening" or is it "a profound awareness in committing to strategic listening"?

Some people speak about attitude. But attitude is only a function profound awareness for Life! That is, if we wish to go to the true root causes. Then, it comes the genome, DNA, and the molecules.

Three Nobel Laureates discovered the DNA structure. Dr. James D. Watson post-Ph.D. ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_watson) insists that every neuron is a function of a cluster of genes. Psychiatrist "cope" but "never cure" depression, schizophrenia, Parkinson, and others -- since Dr. Watson -- the cure lies only in fixing the flawed genes.

Are people flawed as Dr. Mintzberg say or are people's genes the ones that are flawed? I am sure is the second.

Dr. Watson says that the phenotype prevalence is extremely subordinate to the genotype. Therefore, with tsunamis of education you improve some individuals. But with a tiny bit of gene-therapy -- very soon to be able -- you remove the "gangster" genes and then you can make a much better student, professional, citizen, leader, politician, diplomat.

A plethora of scientists, along with Dr. Watson, assert that if there is not an existential planetary calamity (man-made or otherwise), immortality will be conquered.

Posted by Andres Agostini (Andy) at December 14, 2009 12:53 AM