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"In an increasingly crowded, noisy global marketplace, innovation is not optional." Tom Peters

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Go Ahead, Eat with Your Fingers! Scratch Your Ear!

Someone passed along a book on business etiquette.
Not a thing wrong with it.
I relearned a few "correct fork" tips.
[I'm 58, and I'll doubtless go to my grave with the wrong fork stuck in my ear … or somewhere.]

BUT I WON'T ENDORSE THE BOOK.

WHY? Miss Manners and her ilk are full of shit.

I don't go out of my way to be rude.
[Though I do fart, belch, and snore like any other declining 58-year-old.
And my gas isn't always passed at the appropriate time.
WHY DO WE INVARIABLY SAVE THE BEST-WORST ONES FOR A CROWDED ELEVATOR?]

Maybe I'm pissed at Miss Manners because I grew up in the South, a half century ago, where we were polite as hell, always said "sir" and "ma'am"
[I do to this day] … as we enforced segregation laws with untold zeal.
Or maybe it's a reaction to perfectly turned-out execs … who recklessly toss workers aside by the thousands.

My goal: REDEFINE "MANNERS." How? FOCUS ON THE ONE THING IN HUMAN RELATIONS THAT REALLY MATTERS … RESPECT.

I'm in love, it turns out.
I'm in love with Harvard prof Sara Lawrence-Lightfoot's book.
It has a one-word title: Respect.

The nub:

"It was much later that I realized Dad's secret.
He gained respect by giving it. He talked and listened to the fourth-grade kids in
Spring Valley who shined shoes the same way he talked and listened to a bishop or a college president.
He was seriously interested in who you were and what you had to say."

Amen!

A respected mental health professional, Norman Guitry, gave a guest
lecture, in which he baldly claimed that 95 percent of our mental health
problems, including most crime, could be rectified if we would just pay
[RELIGIOUS] attention to one, humble, two-word phrase.

To wit ...

DON'T BELITTLE.

[I don't think I'm arrogant. I pray not.
But I must admit I occasionally catch myself - Al Gore style - going into my "pontificating mode."
HOW INSUFFERABLE IT SOUNDS … AS I CATCH MYSELF OUT!]

The great American psychologist William James explains "it" this way:
"The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated."

Manners = Respect + Connection with one's Fellow Human Beings,
poor humble, confused laborers-in-life's-vineyard that we all are.
[A/K/A: SCREW THE RIGHT - OR WRONG - FORK OR FART.]

Connect!
Former Los Angeles Philharmonic Conductor Carlo Maria Giulini lays "it" out as follows:
"My intention has always been to arrive at human contact without enforcing authority.
A musician, after all, is not a military officer.
WHAT MATTERS MOST IS HUMAN CONTACT.
The great mystery of music making requires real friendship among those who work together.
Every member of the orchestra knows I am with him or her in my heart."

Hyper-powerful sports agent Mark McCormack offers a potent lesson in one of his books.
He insists that - even in the Age of the Internet [especially in the A. of the I-net?]
- it is often worth while to undertake a 6,000 mile round trip to consummate a 5 [FIVE] - minute, face-to-face meeting.

Why is McC so insistent: RESPECT RULES!

"Manners": Respect + Connection + Appreciation + Showing Up are the Ultimate Manners … and let the forks fall where they may!
Oh yeah … and DON'T BELITTLE!

- Tom Peters/London/11-28-2000

Tom Peters posted this on 11/28/00.